the "happy book" report

joey that brightens all my days and my daily reminder "you do not have to be good"(mary oliver). so appropriate for me at this time.

art journal love letters and an unexpected result! love paper accidents!

mama "the rock star" made it through her surgery with flying colors! yay!

my first 5 km run after over a year of injuries. SO awesome!

I just watched jamie's video over at the next chapter blog. she asked us to think about how this happy book journey has impacted us. for myself it has had a huge impact. I find myself in a negative place or faced with challenges and I give my head a shake and tell myself to stop it. I look for the happy in each moment.

this past week more so than any was full. full of good stuff. full of family visits. full of scary moments and full of risks. I handle these times a lot better than I used to.

I find myself encouraging others to look for the "happy" or to turn that frown upside down. if anything I get a smile out of them. maybe it's a smirk saying "what would you know".

what I do know for sure is that you and only you are the one and only thing standing in the way of your happiness. I would love to hear what made you happy this week so head on over to the blog and share!

three things...

read this...

watch this...

listen to this...

gremlins

you are so persistent.

your loud voices chanting,

"who do you think you are?"

you had me all wound up,

and ready to quit.

how could you?

but I carried on.

one step, two steps, three steps,

and away I ran,

and left you in the dust.

my feet pounding the pavement,

silencing your screams.

you will not break me!

the wind blowing my hair,

and the sweat falling off my face.

and all I could hear was the sound of my breath,

and the rhythm of my steps.

one, two, three...

inspired by...

elsie...

a fun little project - just because...

that's ok...

there will be days when you are not strong...

there may be moments when you have to let go...

you might not make it over the mountain - today...

and today without witness you may break,

and the tears will fall,

and you feel like you are all alone,

and that's ok.

you are not perfect,

but you are brave,

and you do the best you can with what you have,

and you remind yourself that you did not fail,

and you can try again.

and that's ok.

happy friday?

I am told over and over again to appreciate the happy moments in my life. lately it has been a struggle to find the "happy". I have had more blue moments in the past couple of weeks than bright shiny ones.

the sun is shining through my window this morning and it is so beautiful. I woke up to puppy kisses and tick, tick, tick on the floor from the old dog pacing. it would be so quiet without those two. as I rolled over I found my soft place to fall. I feel so safe, so loved and so thankful that I have him. without him I would not be able to carry on. I need his strength to push me forward and to hold me and tell me it will all be okay.

today I take my mom for her pre-admission appointment. mom does not have cancer, but she does have a lump and they want to remove it. in less than one year she will have had two surgeries. in her entire life I think she spent three days in the hospital. two were with me and now it has become a familiar place for us. I know she will be fine. I am confident that this is the right thing to do. she cried in the car on the way home from the doctors the other day. when I asked her if she was crying because she was scared, she said no. she was crying because she was trying to understand why these things keep happening to her.

I told her that everything would be fine. this was peanuts compared to what it could be. here I was, her daughter, comforting her. she was the one who cleaned up my cuts and bruises. she was the one who held my head as my nose bled and gave me popsicles after I had my tonsils out. she took good care of me and now it is my turn to take good care of her.

I keep comparing it to having a child. she needs to be supervised walking and using stairs. sometimes she follows direction and other times she chooses her own way. sometimes I think she is not grasping the words and other times I think she is just itching to jump ship.

my mom has always been a very strong lady. under five feet tall, but she could crush a giant. she had arms of a body builder and abs of steel. she worked extremely hard and helped others out as much as she could. with all these big things within this tiny body I too often wonder why?

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. so far her struggles have brought her and I closer than we have ever been. I appreciate her so much more than I ever had. I am still not entirely clear on why this is all happening, but I feel very blessed to still have my parents and that is my happy...

full snow moon dreamboard

last month I asked for:

- more love of self and others

I worked really hard on reminding myself that I am okay and loving myself has greater rewards than hating myself. with others I tried to accept the fact that we are all different and not to take things so personally. love others for who they are and not who I want them to be.

- less guilt for putting myself first

a tough one for me, but again I made a huge effort this month to put myself first. I said no a few times and when that pang of guilt hit I told myself that it is just as important to take care of myself as it is other people.

- accepting that there is nothing wrong with me

let's just say this one did not go so well! the gremlins are strong and most times their voices are louder than I can bear. one day at a time.

- filling my heart with joy by making time to make stuff

I took a few days this month to just play with no real outcome. I got messy and had paint everywhere including my face, but it felt good and I felt filled up with joy.

- giving gifts to myself and others - just because

my gift to myself this month was the art journal love letters. I have been having a blast playing around with different mediums and learning new techniques to use in my journals. I sent out gifts and cards to people without occasion or reason. I loved hearing their reaction and their plan to pay it forward.

- continuing to be brave in my discovery of self

I started asking myself questions in my journal and getting the thoughts down on paper to see if they pop back at me with more clarity. in some instances I have found out things I already knew about myself, but how to overcome the same fears I feel over and over? it is something I yearn to figure out.

- gathering with friends and family to celebrate and support

we had a wonderful celebration of love with our family and friends. I love getting everyone together and just basking in the love and laughter that we share. this month has already brought more gatherings and more to come. love it!

this month's dreamboard was a struggle to start with and then before you know it I had all my images together. the common thread seemed to be fun, being silly, taking risks, different angles and lots of blue and light.

looks like I will be looking at things a bit differently and perhaps stepping into the light to shine and take some risks? time to put on my brave pants and go for it...

did you do your dreamboard this month? go over here and share...