a very special man...

we celebrated papa's birthday yesterday. he is 74. I don't think he looks 74, but I do think he looks tired.

he has been amazing this last year. with mom not able to do the things she used to do he has taken over. laundry, cooking, cleaning and running the household have become his responsibilities. somedays he is proud as a peacock about all he does and somedays he wants to throw in the towel. more than not he wants to throw in the towel.

it makes me sad to think of how much he has had to take on in this last year. he had different plans for their life. mom always treated him like gold. did everything for him. he was a prince and we never let him forget it. thing is he enjoyed it!

I am starting to remember more and more good things about my past and my dad plays a huge role in the good things about my childhood. him and I did a lot of things together as mom was always trying to get me out of her way so that she could get things done. so dad usually had to entertain me.

I remember many bike rides with him. he still has the bike that he rode in the 70's. purple! he taught me how to build things in his workshop. I think it is credit to him that I am not afraid to tackle any household project. he would let me use the table saw, drill and hammer up little boxes. I still have one of those boxes. we spray painted it silver. he let me use the lawn mower, paint the fence and taught me how to drive.

mom would ground me from riding my bike and dad would let me go anyway. I know that she resented our relationship. she always said I loved him more. it's true, I did and I do. it is hard for me to admit that, but it is true.

mom is limited in what she can do and depends on others to help her with practically everything so as far as I can see she is doing fine. she is being well taken care of and we are all trying to make her life as best as possible for her despite her challenges.

dad on the other hand has lost a great deal of weight. he has lost his wife or at least the wife as she was. he is tired, he is cranky, his is sick and I am afraid. I am afraid that I may lose him and it scares me to death.

I need to keep reminding myself that I cannot control what happens nor can I fix everything. I am doing the best I can with what I have and what I know. I will continue to take care of myself and my family. in that order.

it is okay to feel the way that I feel. it is okay to cry when I need to and laugh hard when I do. I am happy with how I am looking at this. putting it all out on the table and looking at it as "life" and not "loss".

because at the end of the day he is still here and I am very fortunate that I have such a special man to call "papa". we still joke around and laugh at the silliest little things. we are trying to talk about our feelings and make decisions based on the reality of the situation. and last night we lit candles and sang "happy birthday" over and over and over. cause seriously I think it is impossible to sing "happy birthday" too many times! we sang and we laughed and celebrated my amazing "papa".

I had a lot of "happy moments" this week, but this was the best. what was yours?

forever in love...

he was amazing as always...

he wandered out into the crowd and brushed past me. up close! like right there! I was ready to rush the stage SO many times. tammy wasn't quite prepared for that. her fault though for filling me with bellini's before the concert.

if you ever get the chance to see michael franti, you MUST! it will be an incredible experience. I GUAR-AN-TEE it! jon baby you have some serious competition!
today I am "happy!"

and tonight?

I will be "estatic!"

my cuz and I will be attending the michael franti concert tonight! we are gonna pack up our crazies and dance our booties off. she has no idea what she is getting into. AND if I get the chance...I will be up on stage with her beside me! we haven't been out alone together since we were teenagers so I am sure we will get into a bit of trouble...
"hey mama, hey mama, dancing with you"
I will always love you too, baby...

still recovering from the concert. kid rock opened for bon jovi and I was pleasantly surprised. he had the crowd moving and shaking, singing and clapping. I think the best kind of opening act is one that gets us excited and ready for the show. high five kid!

and jon? well, of course he was AMAZING! poor thing had a bum leg. torn calf muscle which I totally would have massaged for him had I been allowed to leave my seat. I had never been to a concert at the stadium and I can honestly say that it was fantastic. I really think that listening to a performer out in the open at night as the sun is going down is an experience everyone should have. they had a hug screen in the middle and two smaller ones on the side so you had a great view from any seat. it was a class act show. the whole band played their assess off and the crowd made sure they knew how much we appreciated it.

and me? well, I refused to sit in my seat, sang at the top of my lungs and rocked my bootie all night long and clapped till my hands were sore. jon did not disappoint and I can't wait till we meet again. thank you jon!
it's time!!!!!
"thrive" work in progress

"you know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation . . . and that is called loving. well, then, love your suffering. do not resist it; do not flee from it. it is your aversion that hurts, nothing else." - HERMAN HESSE

close encounters of what kind?

the other day I was driving to spruce grove. normally this trip would take me about 45 minutes from door to door. I usually leave in between 10:00 am and 10:15 am and arrive right before 11:00 am. however...

on this particular day something weird happened. I was driving along my usual route. crossed the henday and I know I am not far. that is the last thing I remember until I see the sign for banff, alberta. if you are not familiar with alberta let me give you the coles notes version. I was headed west to spruce grove. banff is south and not accessible by the highway I was driving on and there are no signs that indicate that a banff, alberta exit is available if you so choose.

or is there?

as I am driving along the road becomes very unfamiliar and I suspect that I am on the wrong road and turned around and started heading back the way I came because I was convinced that I had missed my turn off.

or had I?

a few minutes into my drive back and I decide to pull over and use my handy dandy i-phone and try and figure out where in the hell I am. I remained calm despite the fact that I had no idea where I was and the fact that I had seen a banff, alberta sign in what should be the highway to spruce grove. according to my gps I WAS headed the right way and WAS almost at my turn off. pull another u-turn and back on the highway where I saw the banff, alberta sign before. eyes peeled I looked and looked and I did not see it. WTH?

I arrived at my destination and parked the car. I sat for a moment thinking about what had just happened and the only conclusion I could come to was that I was abducted by aliens. yup! I have no recollection of it and no visible signs and weird thing is I was about ten minutes early for my appointment. hmmm?

why am I taking the time to even write about this ridiculous notion? well, this morning as michael shut the door on the dresser the phone light came on which only happens when you take the phone off the charger to make a call.


those damn aliens followed me home!

"art picnic" happy

yes it has been awhile since I posted a "happy"...

a week ago I became obsessed with picnic baskets. you know the "old style" picnic baskets. I dreamed of filling it with art supplies and heading outside to have an art picnic. laying out a blanket and dumping all my stuff on it and just creating for the fun of it. no agenda and most of all to just "be".

turns out that a picnic basket is not an easy thing to find these days. they have backpack picnic basket thingies and cooler picnic basket thingies. so I put the call out to my peeps and low and behold if my dear friend jan didn't find one from circa 1920's. could it be anymore awesome than that?

so yesterday I was vibrating from the excitement. the possibility of actually doing "this" that I have been dreaming of. and so I gathered up all my supplies in my basket...

I set up my little art picnic area...

and I began...


and getting messy....

till I ended up with this...

and a close up...

and I celebrated with this...

and I was very happy that I followed my "dream" and took time for "me" and just "played". what was your "happy" this week? head over here and share!