Mary Ann

1951 - 2009

I Am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

365 monday

"leaning into it"

  1. listen...
  2. new beginnings
  3. leaping forward
  4. close your eyes and hang on 
  5. GO for it!

365 sunday

"almost 18"

we gathered the families for easter dinner over at my cousin's house.  it was wonderful getting together, sharing food and sharing stories and sharing laughter.

this beautiful girl "sonia" will be 18 soon.  it blows my mind that she has grown up SO fast.  such a confident, funny and joyful young woman.  I love young girls who "get it".  it is so not about the clothes you wear or the make up.  real beauty shines from within.  

and the wee ones who were SO entertaining:

christopher - the youngest

anthony - big brother

anthony's idea of hide and seek was to follow me around with a blanket covering his head and say "zia, find me!"  SO cute!

mom was a rock star!  she was visiting with everyone and started doing her old clean up the place routine that we all remember.  she was pouring drinks in the air "a la tom cruise in cocktail" and balancing cheesecake on  a knife.  oh yes, "mamma mia" as she always says had a lot of fun and laughed a lot too.  

happy monday!

365 saturday

aaron came for a visit today.
I love watching him explore.
he is full of wonder and delight.
beautiful curious eyes and wonderful giggles.
and a smile that will melt your heart.

365 "good" friday

"bad" santa

365 thursday

presenting "the blue chair"

one morning on our way to the hospital for mom's rehab I saw this blue chair sticking out of the snowbank.  "dad, stop!" I said.  "look!"  he said "I am not going to stop and pick up that blue chair!  I can make you a new one."  I said "dad I want that one and if it is still there on the way home we are picking it up!"  and as you can see he picked it up.  it only had three legs.  he wasn't happy about that, but I knew it was a great thing.

it was a great thing because it was something for him to do and keep his mind occupied instead of worrying about mom.  he has looked very tired lately and I am worried about him.  he is giving 100% and going all out to make sure mom has everything she needs.  we should all be so lucky to have such an amazing husband.  they will celebrate 49 years together in a couple of weeks and it is wonderful seeing them still so in love with each other.

and so the blue chair.  it was ready today for me to take home.  I told dad "look how wonderful it turned out!"  "aren't you happy you did it for me?"  he smiled that beautiful smile of his.  "yes" he said and then he proceeded as always to tell me all the steps it took to bring the chair back to life.  I love those conversations.

I now have an amazing treasure that may have ended up in the dump.  I truly believe that chair was there for a reason.  and I am thankful for it being there.

what treasures do you have that may have otherwise ended up tossed aside?
365 wednesday


365 tuesday

this image is from the wall in the hospital where mom goes twice a week for her rehabilitation. it seemed to me a reminder of how we need to find strength to keep on going. I was going to crop the light out of the image, but then thought it was kind of like a symbol of the light at the end of the tunnel.

today was a long day for all of us. first MRI and then to the hospital. mom seems to be getting a bit punchy which could mean that a little bit of herself is coming back. she never took shit from anyone at one time. she told my dad and I to just wait until she got better and then we were in trouble - BRING IT! 

we went for lunch where I always let them pick and even let them order for me. it seems like it is always about saving a penny here and saving a penny there. I never noticed how impatient they both are. it's not like they have anywhere to go! waiting for a red light, waiting to be seated in a restaurant, waiting for a meal. it all seemed like too much waiting for them. I always figure there is a reason why I am having to wait. I have no where to go and so go ahead all you impatient people!

after lunch the headache started. probably something I ate or just everything catching up to me. then I came home and poor sparky had an accident while I was gone. I felt awful for him and he felt awful. I could just tell. I spic and spanned (remember spic and span?) and then gave him a bath. I decided he could use a good pamper. hell, I could use a good pamper. anyone wanna give me a bath? HA!

this is as close as he would allow me to be with the camera:

all fluffy and a new bandana to boot!
365 - saturday

I noticed how the snow is almost gone as we walked around whyte ave - farmer's market, handmade mafia, starbucks...

365 - sunday

came to the end of the day and still had no picture so I went out the back door and stumbled upon this in the alley - "shattered" which is exactly how I feel some days...

365 - monday

this beautiful man with his amazing smile has been so patient with me lately...

puppy tales...

aka "the adventures of sparky"

this is my 365 for friday. this poor dog is REALLY trying hard to bond with me. unfortunately the walk thing just ain't working for us. he has short little legs. well, yes so do I, but his ass is bigger I am sure of that! so we head out for a walk and first issue is the puddle we encounter. "no way am I getting these white sparkling paws dirty and wet!" the one thing that got him a bit excited was as we turned the corner and he could make out our fence. "home is near, let's boogie" he seemed to say and boogie home he did. the rest of the time I pretty much walked ahead of him. at one point I took his leash off and just let him follow me. so different from max.

I took him with me in the car on friday:

and today again he hopped in for a drive. only today I took him to g & e pharmacy aka home of all things animals and yes gift wrap, too! if ya live here ya know what I am talking about. anyway why not overwhelm the dog with a whole bunch of things I say. it is a whole new world for him. he was poking around smelling things, saying hi to strangers and letting them pet him and when he was met face to face with a boxer he lunged. yes, same dog who will not walk a block will dive for the first available dog. the boxer lucky for me was dragged down another aisle and every time they saw sparky they turned another way. I had to laugh thinking that sparky was SCARY! too funny!

what is really interesting is the minute we get home his tail is just wagging and it is like he wants to tell everybody he sees about his adventure.   unfortunately nine times out of ten no one is home to greet us and so he just looks at me and sighs.

I have lost him twice in the last week.  and that is just in the house.  he is SO quiet and wanders and then just plops himself down wherever he is.

so we are still getting to know each other and working out the kinks.  it amazes me at how much max did for him.  like making sure the food bowl was full, water and getting in and out of the house by barking.  sparky just looks at you and that could either mean food, water, outside or hey ma - time for bed?

how about you any tales to tell? 

AND remember to go here and leave a comment to win a prize!
365 - day one

every wednesday I cross this bridge with my peeps. yesterday I thought about how crossing a bridge is a means to get to the other side. I kinda feel like that right now except that I am stuck in the middle of the bridge. working on getting to the other side.

365 - day two

ma and pa right before we enter the room where they have a program that mom may be able to attend after she is finished her rehabilitation at the vestibular clinic. I have been spending a lot of time with them lately. a lot of time! did I mention? today I noticed that she seemed more alert. she was smiling brighter and she did really well with the therapist today. dad looked tired. 

and just because...

we chatted today about how important going for a walk is. he kinda gave me that look that said "I ain't buying what your selling". aaahhh sparky....we are both missing our buddy alot. only for different reasons!

I am loving that I "have to" take a picture each day.  this is going to be fun and challenging! 

GO LEAVE A COMMENT HERE and you may win a prize!  no foolin'!

happy new year!

what the hell! I think it should be a do over! are ya in?

today is the start of my new year. I think spring is a good way to come in and begin again...

this month I have decided to try a few things. all that "reflecting" has done me a world of good. that and a REALLY good doctor are the reason I am still alive today.

okay so if you are IN and wanna play - SUPER KEWL!

laurie and I will be starting this:

we will for the next 365 days - take a photo and do a little journaling. yes I know! not an easy task for two perfect procrastinating forever controlling leos, but hey we are up for the challenge. we got a really fabulous kit to use and so it will be super simple!

next on my "new year" list is to READ MORE! so I have chosen three books for april and I am bound and determined to read them and enjoy them dammit! here is my list:

Living out Loud - Keri Smith (for fun and to inspire me creatively)

I thought it was just me (but it isn't) - Brene Brown (she is starting a read along)

my stroke of insight - jill bolte taylor (a really fascinating story)

and lastly I was thinking it would be really neat to try having one day a week be a "NO TV DAY" and so I pick SATURDAY! hoorah! I will tell THEM later. HA HA!

I leave you with a few pics from my morning which made me smile:

"my running peeps, a beautiful bird reminding me that it is spring and flat on the ground taking pictures is gawdess.

and last something to think about:

"every thought I think is creating my future - the universe totally supports every thought I choose to think and believe. I have unlimited choices about what I think. I choose balance, harmony, and peace, and I express it in my life"