of course you have!
you're welcome!
it's a beautiful day!
yesterday was a beautiful day. weather wise it was the perfect temperature. not too hot and not too cold. took the train to the mall and headed to my favorite tea shop. they have a variety of teas already brewed for you to sample. yum! I then gave them the challenge of creating the perfect cup of chai so that I could get over my tazo chai latte addiction. this feat was taken on with much enthusiasm and attention, but sadly it was not the same spicy taste I love and adore. I heart you starbucks!
after my disappointment I head to starbucks for my fix and on the way I am stopped by an asian man and his little sidekick. they ask if I want a massage. they had a little set up with massage chairs and so I figured why not! I had some kinks that needed sorting out. holy crap! which is what I said to him when he finished. "you beat the hell out of me" was also part of that re-entry into the land of movement. and I ended with "but it felt good!" the funny part was that while he beat the crap out of me his little sidekick walked around me yapping in a foreign language. I wanted to ask if that was part of the treatment. I then asked if they took visa. sidekick replied with "I like cash" and so I gave her cash and a tip to which she replied "I love you". I wonder if that was part of what she was chanting during her ring around the rosie? nonetheless I think I am headed back there today for another round!
I managed to cover the top floor of the mall in about an hour and a half. I was stalled at macy's where I found this designer O.M.G! beautiful, beautiful, frickin' beautiful! watch the video about the collaboration with this artist
had a lovely lunch of salad rolls here along with this which I have been wanting to sample for a while.
next stop was borders cause obviously I cannot go a week without hitting a bookstore. I love books! my biggest fear is that I will die before I have time to read all the books I want to read.
then I hit target. and hello? there is a frickin' starbucks IN target! WTF? I mean, really! I loved them already! no need to up the ante!
back to the hotel to meet with my sweet for the birthday festivities. I had it all planned that I was going to hire a horse and buggy to take us to the restaurant. well, you know what happened last time michael was near a horse. for those of you who forgot here is a recap.
yeah, that always makes me smile too!
so scratch the horse and buggy idea and take the train. we headed over to landry's for a scrumptious dinner. I sampled a couple of wines before finding one that suited me. yes! I a big girl now and drink wine with my meal. ha, ha!
laurie you would have loved this place! after the appetizer the waiter came around with purell to cleanse and after dinner he had moist towelettes. awesome!
over to the fudgery to get my boy some fudge and call it a night.
and today? well, yup - RAIN! of course I forgot one of my ten umbrellas at home. all purchased in st. louis where it inevitably rains every time we are here. sigh...what color will I choose this year?
meet me in st. louis...
ahhh yes, our annual trip to st. louis. this year is a bit different. a few more things on my mind as I leave the home front and lots of stress release that is making my body revolt. headache, bloating, blotchy skin - oh I am a sight! thank goodness that anyone I meet I will probably never see again.
toss back some drugs and I am heading out the door to visit my favorite local haunts.
tonight a special dinner for a special guy. happy birthday baby!
one step at a time...
you just do it.you put one foot in front of the other.
you can do it.
I am here for you.
you are not alone.
you are not.
take that first step.
go on now.
now take another.
feeling fuzzy...
not sure which way is up. feeling like our lives are grains of sand in the hourglass and slipping away. quickly. just when I think I have a handle on things and I feel good about my progress I am confronted with the truth. I have lost my grip.
the truth is that I really want to run. I do not want to be making these decisions. why do I have to?
I was putting my make up on this morning. just the basics - mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss. my eyeliner snapped and that was it! no eyeliner today. so will the world end because I have no eyeliner on? I dunno. I will get back to you on that because I have yet to leave the house.
I missed my running group this morning. slept too long. SO tired. worked like a dog yesterday to get things completed. every time I check off an item I feel like I am doing good. something good. finishing something. completion. look - one more thing I did to make life easier.
seriously, nobody cares. really. do you? do you really care if I rearranged dan's room and went through all his stuff? are you going to see it? will it matter to anyone, but me? do you care that I made two different kinds of soup for the four of us so that we have healthy pop in the nuker meals - just in case. then again dad will care about the four dozen mint chocolate chip cookies I made. his favorite.
I am putting off the inevitable. I do not want to deal with it. I do not want to make any more decisions. I do not want to talk to anymore stupid people. I do not want to leave another message for another person to call me back. I do not want to do anymore research. I do not want to read any more pamphlets. I do not want to!
sounds like "green eggs and ham". I do not want to sam I am!
off to pay up lotto with my peeps. if the universe is listening, please pick our damn numbers already! it is not that I need the money it is just that I would like to be able to have some peace of mind when it comes to funds. you know give big poppa a break now and then from bringing home the bacon.
then off to mom and dad's to sign off on the pre-arranged funeral details. it doesn't even rattle me. it is so miniscule for me. THAT - the thought of the end for one of them is not even on my mind.
their LIVING - IS! and so today we talk and talk and we make some calls and we see if I can get these two to a place where they are both happy and healthy. I am not sure what to do and I am going into something without water wings. head first - into the unknown.
I think this calls for some really good coffee. starbucks here I come!
"spicy italians" basta cancer!
this little boy still has his mama. thanks to the donations from people like YOU! I wanted to dedicate this post to my cousin tammy and her courage over the last couple of years. she is a trooper. I am in awe of how brave she is.
if you think it won't happen to me, think again. there is no history of breast cancer in the family. none! she was diagnosed at 39 and went on to have a mastectomy, chemo therapy and radiation. we participated in the weekend to end breast cancer 60 km walk and she never complained once. we went on to do the CIBC run a few weeks later and again she was strong.
she was so excited to get her "stripper boob" as she called it and then was hit with the news that she will be unable to have the surgery. complications will prevent this from happening. coupled with a few other scares going on and her mother and father's failing health. she remains strong.
I think of her often when I think of how bad I have it. I give my head a shake and remind myself that this is nothing compared to what she has been through and will continue to go through. I think of her when I am running a race and how I want to quit. she is there on my shoulder reminding me of her strength and determination to beat this disease.
do me a favor. do yourself a favor. do monthly breast self exams. get a mammogram if you are 40 or older. if there is a history of breast cancer in your family - get it now! early detection is the best case scenario.
do me another favor. say a prayer for tammy and think of us this sunday as we walk once again to find a cure for breast cancer.
I set myself a goal of raising $1,000.00 this year. I am halfway there and if you would like to help me get closer to my goal go here and make a difference. let's beat this! thank you!
"believe in your own power to make a difference in your life and the life of others"
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