took mom for a much needed haircut today. lucky for us there is a salon right in the hospital. it seems weird to see my mom in a wheelchair. she loved her haircut and felt much more refreshed afterwards. that and the fact that in this hospital she is encouraged to wear clothes and not lay around in a night gown.
I am feeling disconnected lately. like I am just going through the motions. it feels like it is someone else's body and I am just watching from the sidelines. so many things seem so unreal to me that it can't be real. It seems like yesterday I got back from "inspired" and in reality a whole month has gone by.
I am tired, exhausted and every time I go to press the elevator button I wonder if it would be at all possible to press "up" and go up, up and away somewhere. just for a little while. or press "down" and hide out below. just for a little while.
then I keep telling myself and I have started to tell mom this too. dad I am still working on! we just need to make it through today...
just today. don't worry about yesterday because it is gone and there is nothing we can change about it. DONE.
just today. tomorrow isn't here yet and so why worry?
and so I get up in the morning, eat something, clean up and head to the hospital to help her get through one more day. hopefully one more day closer to getting home. unfortunately my father brought her a calendar and crosses off the days that she has been in the hospital. how sad it must be to see that she missed the month of may at home.
but she has fight in her. she is determined. she has a sparkle in her eye. I see it. even if no one else does and it is what gets me up every morning. I am afraid. so many unknowns. new information to process. patience to be had. my health has been put on the back burner and it is catching up to me. luckily I have people watching out for me and reminding me to take time to breathe. that and a wonderful doctor who has all kinds of potions and lotions to heal my body & soul.
and hey - I made it through TODAY!