find peace...

cuba february 2009

looking through my photos and reminiscing about calm days. days when all I had to do was get to the beach. my toes in the sand and the sunshine on my face. I miss the peace.

I am strong.  I will get through today and when tomorrow arrives on my doorstep I will get up and again my goal will be to make it to the end of the day. and as the sun goes down I dream about the day when the peace will return.  and it will.

I told him today that I was oh so tired of it all. that I really was ready for it to be over. that I am sure that one more thing would send me over the edge. that I am not sure that I can make it. 

he responded "it could be worse". I looked at him through the tears and I could feel the anger rising in my belly. "how?" I said. "it could always be worse" he said. and with that he held me.

I know it is true. IT could always be worse. I feel sorrow for those who have it worse. I look into their eyes and I want to take away that sadness. and emptiness.  I am not alone.

I am learning.  I will continue to grow. each day I notice something in me changing. whether it is letting go of a worry.  taking time to rest.  making time to run or be still in my practice.  I am trying. in the midst of all this, this - what can I call it? THIS will not kill me. THIS will make me stronger. I have weathered worse storms. haven't I?

and when THIS storm is over I will wait for the tears to dry and the
peace to return...

and it will.

"find peace" may 2009

1 comment:

Gawdess said...

and please remember that you are not alone!!!!!
you can draw on the strength that you have poured into others - friends and family can be like batteries - you just have to make sure they are plugged in!