inspiration

"creativity is inventing, experimenting, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun." - mary lou cook

splashing some paint around lately even if just in second, minute, hour increments. feels good. feels real good. a little playing around in my journal which I am tempted to transfer to canvas cause I love how it turned out:

a piece started way back when. just a sneak peek and some more experimenting with claudine's paints on canvas:

something I should have completed back in january. right laurie? and some days it feels like january around here...brrrrrrrr!

(wo)man's best friend

max & sparky march 2009

since we lost max I have often wondered if sparky was lonely and missed him. I know I did so I was pretty sure sparky was in the same boat. oh he had his share of play dates and puppy daycare. all were met with excitement and exhaustion. you remember sparky? he is pretty much a piece of furniture. not much excitement, never has been. he pretty much waddles around the house and occasionally wags his tail. there are those odd times when he perks right up and we are convinced he went into mamma's medicine cabinet again. and so I decided to start a little experimenting.

exhibit a - sparky a la solo:

appears to be searching for a friend.

exhibit b - sparky and his new friend "bunny":

seriously? the bunny looks more excited than sparky!

exhibit c - sparky's new friend "pete":

as you can see sparky opted out of the photo and pete was "just visiting anyway.

exhibit d - "joey" aka sparky's new brother:

an 8 month old shitzu bichon whom we rescued.

who thinks sparky is a big white foot stool, but gives him the occasional kiss. sparky is intrigued by joey and follows him around which in my eyes means we are on to something. so far the two of them have been getting along fine. no tight bond, but no fights either. I love that sparky is curious about what joey is doing and he is wanting to show off for him more and more. I pulled out the treat ball last night and sparky chased it around the living room while joey tried to figure out what all the fuss was about...and then the treat fell out. fun!

marvelous monday

sounds like something sark would write. if you say "it's monday" that just sounds so boring, but if you say "it's marvelous monday" now there is some excitement!

and why is it SO marvelous? I was pleasantly surprised by my mom the other day. she was very excited about her painting. painting? I thought they convinced her to help paint some walls in the the new "courage center". never in a million years would I have thought that MY mom - my MOM - MY MOM would be painting in the art room.

she released the brakes on her walker and full speed ahead took me to the art therapy studio in the hospital. I knew about the room. I had heard about the room. I had seen some of the art work from the room. even thought about volunteering in the room, but NEVER thought I would be in the room with my mom. or that my mom would be showing me a piece of her art.

she said she painted a dog. oh he is lovely she said. wait till you see him. I am making him for you she said. I struggled to hold back the tears that were coming. I had yet to see the dog and the mere thought of her painting a dog for me was so touching. we entered the room and of course it is an artist's dream world. paint everywhere, projects underway and even paintings on the ceilings, inspirational quotes on the walls. It was breathtaking and then I watched her as she wheeled her walker over to the corner where all the ceramics lay. some half painted, some complete and drying and then she picked him up. the dog. my dog. the piece that she painted for ME. her face lit up as she explained to me what she used and how she painted it and how the nurse helped her with the color choices. oh my it was a beautiful sight to see my mother's face. what a moment. a beautiful unexpected moment. I took a quick picture of her piece. she said it was not finished, but that's okay I like to capture the process.

and so today on this morning my mom headed back into the art room to work on her piece. my mom - painting? how marvelous!

best wishes kate & dustin!

and the wrecking continues...

wreck this journal in the shower

not too much wrecking going on this week. crazy week that started out with mom returning from her overnight trip home. she was a rock star! dad loved having her home and we loved seeing them both smile.

wrap something with this page

monday was spent at a different hospital because he woke up, stretched and went into a-fib. super! spent the whole day waiting while test after test was done. while we waited for the test results we both became quite agitated at the doctor who seemed to be eating way too many tim bits! IN FRONT OF US! whadya think we had after we left the hospital?

trace the things in your bag or pocket 

tuesday back at the hospital so that he could have a holter attached to him for 24 hours. I worked him like a dog. nothing made that thing ding. NOTHING! went for my weekly shot afterwards.  yay!

cover this page with white things

wednesday back to the hospital to return the holter and then off to have me tossed around by a prince.

scribble wildy using only borrowed pens and document where they are borrowed from

and so here we are at the end of a crazy busy week.  I pretty much wrecked on the fly and where ever I was I had my journal with me and did some wrecking.  out of town for some up time!

spread kindness...

some days I visit mom and I see that other patients have no visitors. no one comes to see them. they listen as mom and I chat. they ask if I am her daughter. they watch as I do her hair. they tell me how beautiful the flowers are that I brought her. all they want is to be heard. to be seen.

our family is like the welcome wagon of ward 3d. we share our treats, our flowers and even take other patients with us when we are going to the cafeteria for lunch. they wave hi to us when they see us coming and see ya later as we are leaving.

make a stranger smile today! you could be the one and only thing that makes their day. how wonderful is that?

find peace...

cuba february 2009

looking through my photos and reminiscing about calm days. days when all I had to do was get to the beach. my toes in the sand and the sunshine on my face. I miss the peace.

I am strong.  I will get through today and when tomorrow arrives on my doorstep I will get up and again my goal will be to make it to the end of the day. and as the sun goes down I dream about the day when the peace will return.  and it will.

I told him today that I was oh so tired of it all. that I really was ready for it to be over. that I am sure that one more thing would send me over the edge. that I am not sure that I can make it. 

he responded "it could be worse". I looked at him through the tears and I could feel the anger rising in my belly. "how?" I said. "it could always be worse" he said. and with that he held me.

I know it is true. IT could always be worse. I feel sorrow for those who have it worse. I look into their eyes and I want to take away that sadness. and emptiness.  I am not alone.

I am learning.  I will continue to grow. each day I notice something in me changing. whether it is letting go of a worry.  taking time to rest.  making time to run or be still in my practice.  I am trying. in the midst of all this, this - what can I call it? THIS will not kill me. THIS will make me stronger. I have weathered worse storms. haven't I?

and when THIS storm is over I will wait for the tears to dry and the peace to return...

and it will.

"find peace" may 2009