these are a few of my favourite things...

recently attend a class put on by the edmonton calligraphic society. barbara close guided us through two days of brush lettering and water-colour explorations. it was fantastic!

my workspace! agh!

one of the pieces I complete in the workshop

in the studio I have been listening to this and loving it! I started at the beginning and am working my way through all the episodes. he interviews a variety of people in all different mediums and different areas of experience. mark is very entertaining. go have a listen!

I accepted a commission that was totally out of my experience, but somehow I knew I could get it done and it turned out wonderful and the client was very happy with the result.

one side of the tote

on my nightstand lately I raced through "before I go to sleep" and "the art of racing in the rain". it usually takes me a long time to read through books, but these two were done in a week!

another workshop put on by the edmonton calligraphic society that I also attended recently had us playing with bleach on black etc. fun, fun, fun!

this started out as a huge piece and we broke it down

watched this TWICE already! love it! good stuff! I think the free viewing expires tomorrow so go watch NOW! very interesting and at times appalling. I would also suggest watching food, inc. as well. these films are full of good information and you take it as you wish. I did not get the impression that they were pushing anything at me, but rather educating me about what is the reality of our food these days. it amazes me looking at how my parents grew up and the food they ate and looking at them now and the shortcuts that they take when it comes to preparing meals. look at our world today and all the shortcuts and how we think that they are helping us. the question I ask myself is "are they helping me?" interesting isn't it?

and finally I just finished reading "note to self". I found out about this by listening to mark on the creative mojo show. he interviewed samara on october 20, 2010. you can listen to the past shows on the website. I just closed the cover on this one last night and thought I would share it with you. so if you would like to read this book, leave me a comment and I will pick one name on monday and send it off to you. sound kewl?

and finally if you have any fave things of your own to share add it to your comment. I would love to hear about them! wishing you a day full of sunny inspiration!

decisions

there are decisions to be made every second of the day. moment to moment we decide what we are going to do. will we crawl out of bed when we feel like hiding deep in the folds of the covers? comforted by the warmth and feeling the safety of lying there and not having to face another day?

when we decide to finally wake up will we shower today? what will we wear? fix our hair or declare a "hat day". what will we eat for breakfast? do we want coffee or tea this morning. these decisions occur in the first hour of the day and already it can seem so exhausting.

I find myself floating through the day and think of you. what decisions are you making? I feel lost without you. I used to pick up the phone and there you were. where are you now? you were so good at listening and giving answers.

I have a decision to make. can you hear me? can you answer me? I don't know what to do and you would always help me to see the whole picture. I am trying to step back from the answer. I am trying to take my emotions out of it. how do I? how did you? you probably watched hundreds of people make decisions about loved ones. surgery? breathing tube? pain medication? or let them go? sometimes I can hear your voice. I smile at the sound of your laugh. I can see you in others. are you there?

I decided to make rice krispie squares and jam muffins yesterday. that was easy. I just did it and the outcome was delicious. today I decided to make lemon bars and peanut butter cookies. did you like peanut butter cookies? I know you were allergic to fish and eggs but were you allergic to peanuts? why didn't I know that about you?

there is so much I didn't know about you. so much that we still had to talk about. there was so much you still had to experience. who made the decision that you would die?

I am trying to decide to be happy today. or can I decide that? in a breath I find myself in a puddle of tears thinking about you. I want to see you, touch you, hold you and tell you that I love you and hear you say "I love you too" and then that little giggle. you always had that little giggle afterwards. as if you thought that it was kind of silly that I would say "I love you". I did love you. I do love you. that decision was easy.

just like the decision to make muffins, squares and cookies. what is the worst that could happen? I could burn them. they would taste awful, but I could start again. nobody will die from my failed baking attempts. I chose the easy decision - bake.

I hate this responsibility. all I want to do is run. escape. hide. I know that is unrealistic. I know it will have to be done and I know it will have to be me. in the meantime I will have a cookie and think about it some more.

it's friday!

and you know what that means! time for a fluoroscopic swallow test! okay not for me, but for ma. oh mama! we had quite a scare with her over a month ago when she choked on a piece of honeydew melon. heimlich and all! we had a meeting with the team this week and wanted to make sure we are meeting her needs when it comes to food. ha! this makes me chuckle cause mom is a foodie. she has always loved food and could eat you under the table all the while weighing just over a hundred pounds soaking wet. she has been on a thickened diet now since october and hates it!

so the whole fam damily loads into the truck and I am handed the keys. WTF? ok, fine I will drive the 21 year old truck and watch people drop as I kill them with the fumes. fun, fun! the whole ride there dad is complaining. about what? I'm not sure. I stopped listening after the third "jesus christ" was dropped. mom meets with the technicians and answers questions and also offers up that she was told she could eat kentucky fried chicken with gravy after the last exam and she still hasn't had it, but she doesn't like gravy but the chicken would be good and maybe some fries too, but no gravy cause I don't like it. poor thing. all she wants is the friggin chicken that I remember from my childhood.

after church on sundays if mom had a coupon we would stop at kfc and pick up a bucket. no fries (she made those at home), no salads, no buns - just chicken. that crispy grease laden deep fried goodness was our one take out meal long before mcdonald's came to town. fast forward to my weight watchers beginning where I gave it up completely because it wasn't worth the points. then I end up working next door to a kentucky fried chicken and proceed to barf at each shift from the smell. even now the mere smell of it makes my stomach turn. come to think of it chicken in general makes me hurl.

so we are on our way back and mom mentions the chicken again. dad is still bitchin' about something. I think this time it was why did we have to wait afterwards for this.....blah, blah, blah.

so I says "ma, do you want some chicken?" she says "oh sure". so I tell her I will stop and get her some. she asks if there is a kentucky fried chicken on the way back. well, of course there is mom and if there isn't I will find one! I'm on a mission mama! meanwhile I catch the tail end of dad's latest rant and it surrounds the chicken and me trying to kill my mother. whoa? what? and then I'm done. I start to tell him that he can be miserable or he can be happy. it's a choice. choose wisely I tell him! I tell him that if he chooses to be miserable and bitch and complain then everyone is miserable. look at mom! she is smiling. happy! the chicken chase may or may not have had something to do with her smile, but still! she says she wants the chicken and if she chokes, let her die. amen mama! at least she went with chicken in her belly and a smile on her face!

and yet as I pull into the kfc parking lot with dad's voice in one ear and mom beaming in the front seat, I'm proud of myself. I took a little piece of shit and chucked it in the trash. got rid of the awful smell of sucky and turned it into a sweet smell of cheer. go me! I walked into kfc and ordered mama up some chicken and fries (no gravy) and did it with a smile on my face and a little bit of gurgle in my tummy. oh the smell was awful ain't gonna lie, but I NEEDED to do this for HER. back at the car and her lips were smacking and she was already to roll up her sleeves and have a chicken feast right there in the car. whoa mama! wait till we get back to the home.

so why this turn of of emotion? why feel so crappy and useless one day and then the other day I am a patient, kind and gentle chicken grabbing peach? I am gonna thank the art for that. this morning I went a little crazy with pitbull in my ears and paint on my hands. I played with no plan. just getting messy before dealing with the mess of my parents and my life. it was good. I need to remember that I should do this before every appointment with them. get it out and then get on with it.

I have to admit though that I think I can still smell that damn chicken on my shirt, jacket and scarf. but it was all worth the smile on mama's face when she was chomping down the chicken and fries. and dad? well, sent him home with the left overs and a kiss. gotta love him!

and if you happened to listen to the music link I betcha you couldn't resist dancing! weeeeeeeee! my girl got a big ole bootie, your girl got a little ole bootie, la la la la....

love, love, love

you can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

you can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

your heart can be empty because you can't see her

or you can be full of the love that you shared.

you can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

you can remember her and only that she's gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

you can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she'd want;

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

-david harkins

sit down,

where were you when you knew?

listen,

the loud roar of the truth.

weep,

tears falling. drenching you in disbelief.

hope,

hanging on to the tiny thread of faith.

fear,

harder and harder to catch your breath.

love,

all that was and forever will be.

well hello 2012!

so we are three days in and already you've made an ass of yourself. seriously? I was ready to bid a fond farewell to 2011. I was thinking about all the crap that happened in 2011 and then I stopped myself. I tried to be positive. think of the wonderful things that happened in 2011. I was able to reconnect with family and friends. I met some friends in the flesh who I dreamed of someday meeting. I took the time to make some art. taught some workshops. took some workshops. formed a circle of new friends. sold a house and moved into our dream home. survived living with my parents for two weeks in between. ate cupcakes and drank really good coffee. got rid of the old and bought new. did enough diy's to write a book. ate the best fish tacos ever. participated in a sweat lodge ceremony. saw my son take his first big step towards his big dream. had a massage on the beach. attended jann arden's book signing and witnessed my husband gushing. was fortunate enough to attend two kids christmas concerts. oh it was awesome!

sure there was the shit in between, but I was willing to let that go. so willing was I or apparently ready to let it go like that old tattered shirt you just couldn't bear to throw away that I felt the release when it happened. it was surreal. unlike anything I have ever felt. kind of like those evangelists on tv who smack you on the forehead and say "you are cured". yeah, like that. I felt the release and thought THAT should be my word for the year, "release". so I am strutting my stuff and all ready to bring it in 2012. 2012 how do you do? nice to meet ya. sit a spell and let's chat, k?

the good stuff is this...

the "idea porch" as I like to call it told me to do a vision board. oh, I've done them before and everybody is talking about making them for the year except this time it said to invite the man to do it with me. hmmm...so I gave him the spiel about buying the magazines, big canvas, rip and tear, glue and write and he was all in like when you push your chips to the middle of the poker table. oh my!

we started by hunting for magazines. what kind he said? any kind! how many he said? at least three. within a few minutes he was done. I was still hunting for the perfect magazines to rip and tear and also reading some very interesting articles. I needed to catch up before I lost him.

and so with gabrielle roth playing in the background we started our rip and tear fest. a few images, a few words and then we talked about why we picked what we picked. we wrote down some of our thoughts for 2012 and then began gluing it down. I was the one gushing now for he willingly participated and was a rockstar! the whole process of picking the images, the words and then the placement is kind of like sowing the seeds in a garden. you decide what you are going to grow, plant the seeds and watch them sprout. we were both very excited about the sprouting. go on sprout forth dreams, goals and wishes!

and then it happened. like any other time you are busy making plans. life whams you in the face with a frying pan and says "hey, wait a sec, ok?" WTF? no, no, no!

it's gone. done. auld lang syne and all that jazz. adios 2011 and hola 2012!

yeah, well not so fast batman. mom has fallen twice in the last four days and nearly choked to death on a piece of melon. ya, that kinda sucks 2012. no thank you, ok? no more, ok? not so fast sista! how about we take one of your own, precious to you and have them began a battle for their life. how's that? fuck you 2012!