the last few months have included the worst moments of my life - ever. I have been through a lot in my life and nothing can compare to how lost I feel now. I have so many questions. so many fears. so many hurts. I am filled with such sadness and hopelessness that I ache.
I do not believe there are enough self-help books or support groups to get me through this. just when I was starting to turn around after losing max we lost mary ann. she was gone at 57. then we lost an aunt. our cousin lost a grandmother. so much darkness. so many tears. oh the tears. I have "the secret" calendar and everyday I flip a page and it tells me to feel positive and to put good feelings out and good things will return. I think when I get back I will throw it out. it is just breaking me in two.
what I have learned so far in this year that seems to be slipping away like sand through my hand is this:
-to do lists are really not all that important because there will always be something "to do". it is never ending
-your life can change in the blink of an eye
-no matter what you look like or aspire to look like it means nothing in the grande scheme of things
-the more you think about yourself, the less people think about you
-(an oprah fave) when people show you who they are - believe them
-when the shit hits the fan there are the friends who will help you move a body and you know they are your real friends because they will help you move a body
-I have witnessed love like no other love
-I have felt silence rip my heart wide open and then ego came along and stomped on the pieces
-it IS possible to feel so alone in a crowd of people
-when you think about yourself, stop and think of someone else first
-be thankful for what you have and stop whining about what you want
-do it with all your heart or don't bother
-hug the ones you love as much as possible and tell them you love them every chance you get
-tell your kids over and over that you will be there for them no matter what, and then do just that
-if you think about calling someone, just do it and stop thinking about it
-be kind to one another
-this second is all we have, the past is the past, let it go
-take good care of yourself
-do nice things for others just because. without waiting for a thank you or return gesture
ciao
