the last few months have included the worst moments of my life - ever. I have been through a lot in my life and nothing can compare to how lost I feel now. I have so many questions. so many fears. so many hurts. I am filled with such sadness and hopelessness that I ache. 

I do not believe there are enough self-help books or support groups to get me through this. just when I was starting to turn around after losing max we lost mary ann. she was gone at 57. then we lost an aunt. our cousin lost a grandmother. so much darkness. so many tears. oh the tears. I have "the secret" calendar and everyday I flip a page and it tells me to feel positive and to put good feelings out and good things will return. I think when I get back I will throw it out. it is just breaking me in two.

what I have learned so far in this year that seems to be slipping away like sand through my hand is this:

-to do lists are really not all that important because there will always be something "to do". it is never ending

-your life can change in the blink of an eye

-no matter what you look like or aspire to look like it means nothing in the grande scheme of things

-the more you think about yourself, the less people think about you

-(an oprah fave) when people show you who they are - believe them

-when the shit hits the fan there are the friends who will help you move a body and you know they are your real friends because they will help you move a body

-I have witnessed love like no other love

-I have felt silence rip my heart wide open and then ego came along and stomped on the pieces

-it IS possible to feel so alone in a crowd of people

-when you think about yourself, stop and think of someone else first

-be thankful for what you have and stop whining about what you want

-do it with all your heart or don't bother

-hug the ones you love as much as possible and tell them you love them every chance you get

-tell your kids over and over that you will be there for them no matter what, and then do just that

-if you think about calling someone, just do it and stop thinking about it

-be kind to one another

-this second is all we have, the past is the past, let it go

-take good care of yourself

-do nice things for others just because.  without waiting for a thank you or return gesture



Gawdess said...

I went looking for inspiration today and didn't expect to find it - but I did, you had it here, waiting for anyone who needed it.
Thank you for that gift and for the gift that you are.
Hope you have the best time away and remember -
I am one of a very tight, and strong circle that would help you with a body.

Therese said...

Your mission in life if you choose to accept it is:
love yourself

(the whole of you and it waits/needs to be discovered in the LAND OF YOU)

serve the world

(all you discover about yourself can now be used to further the common good, the connection between living things, use your talents for making the world a better place and you get to live there for free)

preserve the planet

(with your efforts see that there will be something to pass on to your children and their children)

You have already learned so much that is positive and enriching. Hang on to that and remind yourself every morning.

The secret is just a way of looking at things. You can look at situations differently if you choose. Look for the blessings in the situations in your life. They are there to be discovered.

Hangin there!!


Anam_Kihaku said...

**hugs** been thinking about you. wish i could help - i have shelve fulls of self-help books but have learn nothing heals like a hug from someone who loves you. hugs you man, your son and yourself.