why?

I posed this question to my doctor the other day. I will share the manner in which she feels I need to figure out the answer.

-write it down-

WTF?

she said it works wonders!

no shit sherlock!

hello!?

art journaling?

which leads me to more "why?" as the needle hits my arm I wonder "why?" why do I have this pain? why is it not getting better? why am I starting to "just live with it?" are our thoughts really that powerful? is the pain showing up in my feet but actually stemming from another place? so many new things to think about in regards to "healing". and in more ways than one.

one thing I know for sure "today" is this: something is inspiring me, driving me, pushing me, tossing me forward, patting me on the back, telling me "it is good". what is that? do I need to ask "why?"

I did and what I came up with was that for the past few months I have been neglecting lots of things, but most importantly "myself".

and so I posed another question to my doctor and that was "when does it become selfish? or is it "self care?" if I feel the need to lock myself up in the studio and just see what happens and it is happening and I have this huge fear that it will disappear so I want to protect it and nurture it. be gentle with it and treasure it. is it wrong? there is a belief that that which is good is really bad for you. why? if it feels good how can it be bad? and so she tells me to enjoy "it". roll with it.

I guess it is all a part of "reflecting" which was my goal this year. it stops me dead in my tracks with inquiries as to "why" certain things are the way they are and why we are the way we are and do we really have the power within ourselves to change it? does it need to change? or do we?