some days you go commando

yesterday was a shopping bust.  my day started out with meeting dad at the bank to get some more things straightened out for mom's estate.  that took WAY longer than it should have.  apparently having the same last name as my father is not proof enough that we are related.  "and he's your father?"  oh please!  fumes from those new twenties getting to ya?

then it was on to the mall.  I am not a shopper.  there I admit it.  I am not a browser.  oh, let's go shopping.  doesn't work for me.  I have a purpose and I know where I am headed.  when I veer off I rarely succeed.

so on my list was underwear, tea and face stuff.  I decided to start with the underwear.  I knew that I could find it either at sears or the bay.  sears did not have it so I headed towards the bay.  surprise, surprise it was nowhere to be found.  WTF?  why would you stop making my underwear?  I could care less if you want to "new and improve" my dish soap but leave my underwear alone!  meltdown moment.

I decided to just give up and get the face stuff done.  of course on the way I veered.  I popped into eddie bauer.  they had these very nice looking dresses.  simple enough and apparently made to keep you cool.  alright, worth a try.  ya, NO!  the waistband was right under the boobs and not flattering for my body type.  meltdown moment.  then the voices started chattering in my head.  "why can't it be easy?"  "cause you veered!"  "it was simple black dress!"  "you never shop at eddie bauer!"  blah, blah, blah!

I decided to leave the voices behind and carry on.  face stuff was pretty simple.  I knew what I was after.  I got the spiel and left with two soap samples - avocado and orange juice.  they smelled SO good!

then I veered again.  geez!  enter the fossil store.  oh my!  I used to be a faithful fossil shopper.  every season I would purchase a new bag. use it for awhile and then pop it up on kijiji.  I picked up this beautiful case and could not put it down.  I held close and although I knew it was not a need and certainly not on my list!  total loss of focus here!  I said screw it and bought it anyway and did not feel one bit of guilt or shame for my purchase.  I know that I will use it and it will come in super handy for housing my ipad mini, journal and pens.  perfect!

tea, right, TEA!  my name is nadia and I am addicted to davids tea.  more so than usual since my treatments call for no coffee, caffeine, alcohol, chocolate or mint.  somewhere down the line someone experienced minimal improvement by keeping these things in their regime and so now everyone is restricted.  I picked up three lovely herbal, caffeine free, chocolate free, mint free teas and then wait, WHA - T?  stormy night?  right in front of me!  right there in a cute little sample pack.  made perfect with the addition of chocolate, coconut and black tea.   yum!  I had this tea as a latte when it first came out last year and thought it was a special edition that was gone after the holidays.  not so my friend!

oh man!  voices caught up to me again.  "do not buy the tea!"  "just have a latte and be ok, with it".  "walk away!"  "enjoy it and feel no shame!"  

and so I did.  I enjoyed every single last drop of it as I continued on through the mall.  no guilt, no shame and surprise, surprise no more veering or failed shopping experiences.  just the feeling that right here, right now it is just me and my delicious stormy night tea getting our tea on.  stormy night?  quite funny actually considering there was a fleeting moment during the day that I felt like it was stormy and then nothing but sweet bliss!

reveal

I have been reading the most amazing book called "reveal" by meggan watterson.  I met meggan at wanderlust last august and from the moment she stepped in front of me I felt her energy.  I felt her love. I knew that whatever doubts I had about taking a trip so soon after my mom passed away had been swept away as she started to speak.  she spoke with such passion, such conviction and so much love.  she opened my eyes and my heart to what I felt was lost inside myself.  I was fortunate enough to speak with her after and thank her for coming and sharing her story and insight.

here she speaks about her book:

I was patiently waiting for the book to hit the shelves and finally lost patience and ordered it on my ipad.  I believe in buying books in the bookstore.  there is something magical about walking into a book store and searching for that one book and when you finally find it and are holding it close to your body .  you get that little dancing feeling in your gut.  at least I do.  It is like I am carrying a gift with me up to the counter and as soon as I place it down the cashier picks it up and my hope is that they too well be curious enough to check it out.  I love to share what I am excited about and what is moving me.

so for now this book is in digital format for me and I have been highlighting passages left, right and centre.  I imagine meggan's voice speaking to me as I read through it.  when it finally hits the shelves I will purchase a hard copy.  I have hard copies of all the books that I couldn't put down and that I read over and over again, share with friends and keep close by to surround me with knowledge at my fingertips.

I wanted to leave you with one of my highlighted paragraphs that helped me tremendously this weekend.  a reminder that the work that I do brings me happiness and needs to be shared.  I will carry these words with me as I move forward to share my passion with more and more people.  enjoy!

"this is the veil that lifts:  our soul-work in the world is not ultimately about what it earns us in dollars or brand names or quantifiable things.  rather, it allows us to feel the invaluable sense of happiness and fulfillment that comes from knowing we have made our own unique contribution to the world.  we receive the most when we give the love we are here to share.  soul-work is not something we have to go out and search for;  it's getting the sacred chance to reveal exactly who we are.  love."  reveal - meggan watterson

just let go

here is where I find myself today.  I am learning the art of just letting go.  I am gently easing into it.  let's face it my ideal day hardly ever happens as planned and I need to accept that and be okay with it.  I am better at letting go of what people think about me or what they expect of me.  you get what you get and if you like it you are welcome to hang around and if not I make no apologies for being me.

artful letters used to wrap up a gift

so if I had my ideal day it would look something like this.  wake up to puppy kisses.  head outside for a walk with the dog.  come back and meditate.  do some writing and then hit the mat for yoga.  after taking my vitamins I will whip up a green juice and let it slide down my throat and hit my bloodstream for a shot of goodness.

birthday card for a beautiful niece inspired by francie alberts bredeson

before entering the shower I will dry brush my body.  after a long hot shower where the unwanted body hair magically falls off my body I will dry off and moisturize from head to toe.  brushing and flossing will follow and make up and hair and dressing will be stress free.

some beautiful music or podcast will fill the air with sound as I hit the studio for a morning of play and discovery.  and the day will continue with a glorious lunch.  another walk with the dog,  play date with a friend, cappuccino and cookie for an afternoon break and then the evening starts.  a beautiful colorful meal, no tv, more meditation and writing, a long bath with some reading and then jump into a big comfy bed for a good sleep.

ok, so perhaps I have some lofty ideas about what a perfect day looks like or perhaps it seems to simple for most.  either way somedays the planned out day turns out looking a lot like a pile of pencil shavings as in this picture.

despite the pieces I love the colours!

I was asked the other day if I was under any stress and as the words came out of my mouth I could not believe the truth that came out.  it was as if someone else was speaking for me.  perhaps it was my inner guide or my soul?  I said that I have a list of things that I want to get done, checked off and off my list.  there is no one behind me checking to see if I am getting those things done.  the reality is that many of those things do not matter to anyone else but me.  I am the boss and I am the one putting all the pressure on myself to get things done that I have put on the list.  how twisted is that?  but I remembered it and I have been carrying those words with me.

messages from a magazine

I took some slack off myself.  I missed a day of meditating.  the mat remained rolled up.  I had eggs on toast instead of green juice.  I was enjoying the warm water hitting my skin in the shower when I realized I forgot to dry brush!

and then in a magical moment I just let go.  I told myself it was okay.  that I would continue to move through the day and even smile once or twice.  I would just let it unfold as it will.  I would fire myself as the boss and hire myself as a friend.  my friend would never put that much pressure on me!

speaking of friends I have been inspired by one lately.  she moved her supplies into her dining room so that she would have everything laid out in one place for an online class.  after the online class she started inviting people to come and create at her dining room table.  she shared with me how wonderful she has felt and how much happier she is.  was it the course?  was it the friends?  was it the location?  whatever it was I was happy that she was feeling good and confident and happy.

then a funny thing happened to me.  I moved some of my supplies into the kitchen for a day of sharing and the next day I found myself at the kitchen table.  It just came pouring out of me.  I couldn't stop.  I was smiling.  I felt energetic.  I was happy.  of course I had to share with her what I discovered as I could not believe it myself.

the kitchen table "studio"

was it the location?  was it the friends?  whatever it was or is I am grateful that something inside me stirred and I am just gonna keep going with it.  let it unfold and enjoy the ride. 

and in the meantime and in between time if I happen to walk, meditate, do yoga, drink a green juice, dry brush and end my day with a long bath - awesome!  and if I don't?  AWESOME!  it's all in how we look at it!

letter vortex inspired by joanne sharpe

 AND I am enjoying the view from here!  sending you the strength to let go just a little and smile.

I think I came up with a definition of what I do!