day three

day three became a canvas to use up some left over paint and then I added some stencils of circle dots.  I have been loving circles and specifically mandalas for the last little while.  the addition of an arrow for me symbolizes the need for some direction.  I "know" where I am going geographically but as my new business begins to take shape I wonder about where that is headed.  I need to take some steps towards bringing it to life.  I need to "open that door".  And then came the words "I'm dying to live".  the reality is we are all gonna die.  we have no idea when and so why do we not choose to live while we are alive?

some of us are living the routine instead of living the dream.  we get wrapped up in the day to day and what "should" be done instead of embracing what we "get" to do.  what we get to do is infinite!  we choose what we want to do and how we want to live our lives.  are you being true to your dream?  are you living your life fully?

in june of last year after papa received a clean bill of health we decided to take another trip to italy.  he was excited.  we were excited.  it was awesome to see family and friends and drink the best cappuccinos, see the sites and eat delicious fresh food.  my man and I booked a side trip to florence to celebrate our 20th anniversary.  the weather was not too hot for papa as it had been the year before.  all was good.

then papa came down with bronchial pneumonia and ended up spending two weeks in the hospital.  it was scary.  there was the language barrier which for the most part I can get by but when we are talking medical speak then it gets tricky.  the medications they were giving him and the tests.  it was time to hand it over to god and to trust that the doctors were doing all they could to get him well and back to canada.

meanwhile our trip to florence was cancelled and my man headed back to canada and back to work.  I remained in italy with papa and while I was still there my mother in law took a turn for the worse.  there we were miles away from each other each caring for our sick parent.

papa recovered enough to get him back to canada and after being home for awhile seemed healthier than he had been in awhile.  his appetite was back and he looked healthier too.  my mother in law stabilized as well.  everyone was back in their rightful corners.

with all this whirlwind you would think that all we wanted to do was relax back into our routine and settle in.  hubby got a job offer.  in another province.  six hours away from "our" home.  our "dream" home that we watched come to life.  we had just bought new furniture and I had started hanging pictures on the walls.

deep down I believe that he was probably "dying to live" with all that had happened with his current job.  he wanted a change.  he wanted a fresh start.  he saw opportunities for me too.  and so we spent the next little while tossing the idea back and forth.  change of any sort requires courage.  I have always dreamed of leaving edmonton.  I crave hot climates and sunshine, sand and surf.  he was taking me north.  huh?  what about the plan?  live in this place for five years and then fly south for the rest of our lives?  live on the beach sipping cocktails while the sun kisses our faces.  drag sand into the house, smell the ocean breeze and finally - LIVE!

"We can all be angels to one another. We can choose to obey the still small stirring within, the little whisper that says, 'Go. Ask. Reach out. Be an answer to someone's plea. You have a part to play. Have faith.' We can decide to risk that He is indeed there, watching, caring, cherishing us as we love and accept love. The world will be a better place for it. And wherever they are, the angels will dance."

  --  Joan Wester Anderson

day two

ah, day two.  hmmm...well I certainly learned some things with this one.  namely do not scribble all over with pastels and then try to paint over it all.  I mean it was kind of kewl cause you get that sort of scratch into it technique that you used to do in school.  you know the one.  you would cover the page with crayon and then add black paint and then scratch into it.

"enough is enough" came to me because honestly "enough is fucking enough".  I have been in edmonton for the past week and it seems like two steps forward and three steps back.  I keep thinking that I am getting ahead of the game and then boom something or someone reminds me that I have not made much of a stride.

I debated on working backwards with my story but I guess beginning at the beginning is a good start. just over a year ago my husband who had been deeply dedicated and totally devoted to his job was given a kick in the nuts.  I don't know how else to explain it except - he got screwed.

a couple of days after receiving the news I left the country to embark on a new journey.  the journey of becoming a master facilitator of intuitive painting and the expressive arts with Chris Zydel.

I had dreamed of attending a retreat with chris for years and that dream came true in january 2014.  I spent a week with her and several other beautiful souls where I quickly learned that the shit I thought I had dealt with and buried was still inside me.  to say it was life changing is an understatement.  the work that chris does is magical.  the space she creates is sacred.  the love she gives is never ending.  she cracked me open and held me close.  I met women there who have since become my sista's.  their love and acceptance has carried me a lot this year.  a hell of a lot!

so upon returning from the retreat I decided to sign up for her one year program and become certified to then go forth and share the beautiful process with the world.

meanwhile back at home my dear sweet man carried on.  he walked into work each and everyday with his head held high and continued to work while not one soul said a word to him about what had happened.  no one acknowledged what had been done.  in my opinion - he didn't matter.

I was off on a journey of learning, growing, exploring and excitement of what was to come for me and my business.  all the while thinking - how are we going to pay for any of this - NOW?  those worries continued to grow and my man continued to reassure me that we would get through it.  we always did and we will.

I guess when I say "enough is enough" I should really accept that it will never be enough.  there will always be something.  there will always be a lesson we are meant to learn.  there will always be a journey that we are put upon.  the elephant symbolizes strength, stability, honour and patience.

I am strong like the elephant.  stable?  hmmm...I'll get back to you on that one.  I honour this life and all that I have been given - good, bad and otherwise.  patience?  oy!  it's a hard thing to be patient right now.  I am probably leaning more towards impatience but I will continue to walk forward and one day I will be ready to open the door.

*in april of this year I participated in an elephant love art reach.  you can see more about here.

day one

my life has taken quite the turn in the past year.  what I once believed to be true and constant has forever changed.  I have suffered many losses and at the same time gained so much.

at the moment I find myself open to any and all possibilities and yet frozen in my tracks.  life circumstances were holding me back.  or so I thought.

for the past few years I have aligned myself with people and places that fed my soul and spirit.  I worked hard on my limiting beliefs and surrounding myself with angels who uplift me and love me for who I am.

and...all the while I began climbing the mountain home to myself.  with each step up the mountain I was given lessons to learn.  some of these lessons crushed my dreams.  some of these lessons gave me strength.  each lesson became a piece of my heart.  as my heart has grown and continues to grow I keep climbing up that mountain.  I continue to explore the world and learn more, grow more and in the not so distant future I hope to build - more.

loss can be accompanied by pain or loss can mean a new beginning or perhaps a celebration.  in my loss I began to doubt myself and who I had worked so hard on evolving.  I am hoping to find her.  I want her to step into her greatness.  I want her to embrace her aliveness.  I want her to celebrate life and I want to love her - again.

to new beginnings and beginning again!

I have accepted the Jeanne Bessette's challenge of creating 30 paintings in 30 days.  I will be sharing the paintings here on (hopefully) a daily basis.  enjoy!