this pic of mom from last night after we laughed, smiled and talked about what is to come. she is aware now that she is not going home. she is not happy about that and I believe that she still thinks that if she can walk better and eat regular food that she could still go home.
we delayed our trip yesterday until the errands were done. sometimes I feel like I am rushing out of there to get to where I need to go next so it was a great change of pace. she was in bed when we got there and ready to get up and go for a walk.
she started to tell us how the next door neighbour brought dad a cherry pie and how she loves pie. what is your favourite pie mom? oh, any pie! she used to make pies and would give us each a piece and pretty much polish off the rest herself. she has a sweet tooth and I am not sure that the "thick diet" includes much sweets.
so we are working at getting her out of the bed, house coat on, shoes on when I said would you like me to bring you some pie? would you like that mom? her response? fucking right! oh yeah! well we howled and finally got her out of bed. and it didn't end there. she kept on talking about how she wanted to see the doctor and ask for a day pass. your father, she said, is not attending mass without me and I need to make sure he goes to church. maybe I could call the home care office and see if there was someone that could take care of her at home? oh but don't call that home care worker cause she is a liar! oh my!
we made our way back to the unit and her supper had arrived so we fed her in the common area. a bit brighter and more room for all. she had a lovely dish of mushed turkey, mashed potatoes and minced peas and carrots with gravy. every spoon I filled for her I swallowed hard. oh I just barely kept it together. trying to make it SO appetizing for her. there is cranberry sauce mom! wanna try some of that on your turkey? bluck! tastes like jam she says. why would you put jam on your turkey. oh I said just a little bit of sweetness. no, no, no she said waving her arms around. how about some of this yummy rice pudding? a couple of spoons of that and then some thickened water to wash it down. oh my she looked just as disgusted as I felt. she barely ate a thing, but then when she was done I started to entertain her with my walker skills.
I used the walker as a seat to feed her and boy that thing has some power! I shuffled to one side of the hall and then back over to her where I twirled and smiled as I passed her. she laughed. what the hell are you doing she said? you are going to hurt yourself! well, if I do I am in the right place, right mom? and so I continued on back and forth zooming and twirling and making her laugh.
pretty soon she was tired and ready to get back to bed. she's hanging in there and I think that she is having more good days than bad. it's not the best of times right now, but we need to get through it. one day at a time and if laughing, smiling and swearing are gonna get us there then so be it!