some days I feel like I caged bird,
I am looking out at a world I want to explore,
fear embraces me and I remain still,
I want to spread my wings and fly,
but the door is closed.
I am the only one who can open that door.
why don't I just open it?

what is it that keeps us frozen in our own skin? why can we not take that step. that huge giant step. just ONE step! what would happen if I just took the first step? would it be so bad? would it hurt? am I not hurting now? I have convinced myself that I am safe in these four walls. no one can touch me. no one can hurt me.

it is so stupid! and I never use the word "stupid", but it is. I used to be "a prisoner". I lived in a jail. four walls held me for years. I never saw the light of day unless I had permission. behind those four walls I was abused and no one knew. I told no one. that was many years ago. I escaped. I became stronger and put my foot down. no one was ever going to control me again! no one would ever tell me what I could and could not do! I will not be a prisoner again!

and here I am...
telling myself that I cannot leave...
why do I continue to keep the chains on?
why do I imprison myself?
how do I break free?
how do I fly?
my heart aches with worry
with fear

just go on...

No comments: