that's me in the middle of ma and pa. I have been in the middle of these two since I took my first breath. dad always said "everything for nadia" in reference to my mom giving me too much. funny thing is that mom always said "you are too soft" to dad when he would break my punishment and let me go for a bike ride anyway.
I remember crawling into bed (in the middle) with them and we would just chat. then mom would snap back to reality and off she would run to make coffee and get the day started. mom was always running around taking care of us. dad was always making stuff or fixing things and he spent a lot of time keeping me out of mom's hair.
nowadays though mom is the one we are taking care of and that is pretty different for all of us. she still wants to take care of us and her way of doing that is to tell us what to do. she still wants special occasions to be special and now just lists off what she would like and we try and make it happen. of course dad is not really into any big celebrating or attention of any sort and so he pretty much steps aside.
so that puts me smack in the middle! of course! I try to keep him happy, but not making a big fuss and keeping things running smoothly, quietly and as stress free as possible. for her I try to make her laugh and do things that I know she would like done, but dad doesn't see the point in doing.
so this morning as we are sitting in the doctor's office about to discuss treatments for her breast cancer I am once again in the middle.
dad is talking about how mom needs to listen to him and not slam down in the chair when she sits. mom says yeah, yeah, yeah as she waves her arm in the air "don't you need to go outside". her way of momentarily "taking care of him". he gets to leave the situation and go have a cigarette. so he leaves and I am digging for some paper and a pen ready to take notes. mom turns to me and says "so about our 50th wedding anniversary". huh? "I want to invite..." and she starts to list the people. I have pen and paper in hand so I start writing down the names. "and if you call the mayor I think he will send something". huh? "I think we need to make invitations. what do you think?"
what do "I" think? I think that if this was not my life I would not believe this conversation. we are at the cross cancer institute about to discuss radiation treatments on my little mama who has already been through so much and she wants to plan a party! huh!
dad returns and the party planning stops. she doesn't want him to know. she either doesn't want him to know cause she wants to surprise him (something that is next to impossible cause "hello" he is the driver!) or she does not want him to poo poo the idea because after all dad does not like attention. and there I am looking back and forth between the two of them (kind of like a tennis match) and I smile.
I smile because despite our struggles, our dysfunctions, mistakes and disagreements I am pretty darn lucky. lucky to have both of them still together for 50 years! whoa! and being in the middle is just fine with me and being an only child only makes it sweeter cause "I" am the one who gets the good, bad and the ugly all too myself!
and all kidding aside there are people whose lives have been forever changed in the last couple of weeks and I can only imagine the hell that they are going through. go hug your loved ones and be thankful for every moment.
