one more day...

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison

and so as they say "life goes on" and indeed it does.  each day passes into the next and so on.  some days I feel like I am okay and I can keep it together and other days I feel like I am completely lost.  unfortunately at the moment I have more lost days.

I wake up and you are not there.  I miss your curled up body at my feet.  I miss waking up and scooting down to give you a good morning kiss and ask you if you are ready to wake up.

I miss the little noise that your dog tags made as you walked around the house making sure it was all in order before you settled on the couch.  I miss your bark as you warned me about someone across the street.

I miss your smell and rubbing your nose.  I miss cuddling up with you on the couch.  I miss the clank of your water dish reminding me that you needed water.

I miss you at my feet in the studio.  I would peek at you and ask you how you were doing.  I would show you what I made and you would sniff it and give your approval.  oh man you were the best critic!

I miss your little grrrr at the back door to be let out and then the little yelp to be let back in.  I miss the ripping back and forth along the fence at the passerby's.  and when I called you in to be quiet and get inside and you trotted along the sidewalk. you were a noisey boy, but man you were cute!

I miss your little "timon stance" when you were begging for whatever I had.  you would sit, lay down and roll over, back up on your hind legs and you would speak.  you were very talented!  I even taught you how to add.  once you had the treat it was gone in a second!  you loved your treats.  the last treat you had went down a bit slower, but I had to let you have it.

I miss coming home and there you were at the door, tail wagging, head bobbing and SO happy to see me!

come to think of it you were always happy to see me.  you loved me to pieces!  you listened to me when I rattled on and on.  you snuggled up to me when I needed it.  you just knew!  you followed me around the house to see where I was going.

I miss our nighttime routine.  one last potty break (for both of us).  pounce onto the bed and snuggled up in a ball at my feet.  you kept me warm.  you made me feel safe.  you made feel like I was the most important being in the world.  you really loved me.

I hate going to bed without you.  I hate waking up to find that you are not there.  I hate being at home without you.  I hate coming home because I know that you are not there.

I miss you dearly buddy.  I wish I had one more second, one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more month, one more year, but it would never be enough.  I feel so selfish in even thinking it.  I hope you know how much I loved you.


Nancy said...

Sniff sniff sniff...wiping away tears as I type this... hugs to you!

Catherine said...

I'm so sad for you right now...hugs! xox.

Gawdess said...

He knew.
Just like you know that he loved you.
It is a two way street, being adored like that is a gift and you gave it to him and he gave it to you.
Love Kath.

Anonymous said...

He knew baby just like we know you love us.