you know when you say thank you to someone and it just doesn't seem like enough? that's how I am feeling. the cards I am currently holding are creating a royal flush in my life and I need to say thank you. although I am also aware and grateful to myself for creating a lot of this goodness. after all if we don't step forward no one is going to take that step for us.
and so I did. I've been working very hard on healing myself. with mom's passing it was time to take a look at my health again and start healing. this is something that I do everyday and am still working on. I like to think of it as I do yoga - a practice.
with all the books I have read, listened to and attending speaking events I am seeing evidence of a shift. it is pretty freakin' kewl to witness others and yourself embrace change. I have felt moments of being so in tune with what is unfolding that I can't believe it myself.
one example of this is a workshop that I taught at The Paint Spot. I was trying to figure out how to incorporate some of the exercises that I had learned in my recent training program. with the help of my amazing coach Whitney we formed a plan that would include some of the work outs I learned and still allow for the calligraphy instruction to shine through. I remember feeling the tension in the room as we gathered. everyone had just come in from parking their cars, taking their coats off, arranging their supplies and sighing as they prepared to learn. I started off with the scribble exercise and as we were working on our scribbles I could feel the tension melting. when the exercise was complete the feeling was comparable to having just meditated. I could feel the calm and see the change in their bodies. unreal! try it yourself!
a few other things have happened that have really freaked my freak. a discussion with my husband that could have easy escalated to one of my meltdowns found me "coaching" myself down from the ledge. I felt the blood bubbling in my veins and I knew where I was headed but instead of going with it as I always had before I sat with it. I felt it. really felt it and it was kewl! I went inside and really examined what was going on and how it really was not worth the fight. I kept my cool and let it go. I think my husband was surprised too.
then in the last week I have had my bank card and credit card compromised. I leave for a month in two days! no bank card and no visa while traveling abroad? normally I would have been in a puddle on the floor. tears streaming and perhaps yelling, but as I sat there and listened to my options I reminded myself to feel it. I felt it and it felt like a big ole pile of shit on a platter but I let it go. I said as much to the teller and she was thankful for how I was handling the situation. I was grateful to her for all that she was trying to do to help me.
there are more instances where I feel much more confident in myself and I am so grateful for all the growth. none of this happened without support. support of all the resources out there on healing, grief, friends and family. a whole big tribe of goodness. and of course my art. a big ole bucket of healing with spoonfuls taken daily. thank you!
and the big sha bang? papa said yes! yes to going to italy! I am so grateful to him for believing in me and my dream of this trip. he is fretting about packing for himself but of course I will help him out with that. he has done a lot of healing too. so proud of all the steps he has taken and his trust in me. we have all been healing and now it is time to go have some fun and surround ourselves with more love and adventure! woo!