faves on friday

"I paint heaven and hell and getting there" - oh I love this!

and how much fun would it be to go and do this?

I've been enjoying reading this lately.

trying to make up my own version of this.

this is just beautiful.

do you have anything to share?

look into the light

some days are hard.  we can all relate to that.  some days I feel helpless and empty.  I love that the sun is beginning to shine more and more.  I thrive in the sunshine.  some days I feel like my life is so dark and I am stumbling around trying to find a match to light the candle that will lead the way.

and as the flame begins to flicker I use it to guide me to the good things.  I try with all my might to find the positive in each moment.  I listen to others who have been where I am and hear the concern in their voice.  they know what is to come.  they lived it.  they fear for me.

the thing is that when mom was sent to the hospital and I thought that this was it for her, I was not afraid.  I was calm and kept two things in mind.  make sure she knows that she is loved and she is not alone.  I kept caressing her forehead.  I talked to her about what was going on and what they were doing to her and why.  I talked to her about pain.  I didn't want her to feel any pain.  I held her hand and told her I loved her.  she was having trouble forming her words.  her tongue would move and her mouth would try to make the shapes but all that came out was a babble similar to a baby cooing.  oh mama.  you could tell she was frustrated.  she had something to tell me.  I leaned in close to try and hear her and understand her better and made out the words "hurry up".  what?  was she saying "hurry up people and figure this out"  or "hurry up god and take me now"?

the day before she went to the hospital she told me that maybe it was her time to go.  I asked that she hang on till monday when dan returns and then she could do whatever she wanted.  oh I felt awful trying to bargain with her when she was so sick.  why was I asking her to hang on?  I think I felt that she would be more at peace if she had one last chance to see dan.  I think I felt that dan deserved to see her alive and tell her he loved her one last time.  well mom made it to monday and was able to see dan and for dan to see her.

she lays in the hospital fighting the infection.  at least I think she is fighting.  she looks good.  I mean pretty good for someone who is so sick.  we had a good visit today.  dad and I and her.  the three of us.  just like it was all those years.  we loved her.  we fed her.  we comforted her.  we made her laugh.  I don't know what is going to happen from here.  nobody does.  she is hanging on and so am I.  hanging on and hanging in.  just make it through today.

girls, girls, girls,

this past weekend I had the privilege and thrill of taking care of my two nieces for the whole weekend.  unfortunately the weekend began with my mom being very sick and barely able to communicate, but I juggled it all this weekend!

after checking on mom friday afternoon we began our adventure with the girls.  the first task at hand was to create a sleeping sanctuary.  we needed blankets, clips, safety pins, fabric strips and a whole lot of imagination.

before (in our eating area)

and after with the tent top

we created a doorway with a mop handle across two chairs and fabric strips for the curtain

 and voila!  heaven!

 we worked on canvasses where I had them go wild with paint

and their finished pieces...

 with the leftover paint we created pages which were then made into books

we had one more canvas and decided to do a collaboration of fingerprints

 we had a break and sang "oh canada" with our fingers

 we made portrait pillows.

my oldest niece filled the back of her pillow with words.  awesome!

I had to run off as they sent mom to the hospital and while I was gone the girls went for a walk with their uncle.  I asked them to pick up some interesting items for another art project.  we used black and white paints and only the items they collected to make some marks.  it was a beautiful day and so we set up our studio on the porch.

 although the weekend was difficult because my mind was on my mom.  she is very, very sick.  she was not communicating and very dehydrated.  they ended up admitting her into the hospital and with medical intervention she has improved slightly, but is still struggling.  I have so many decisions to make regarding her care and feel very lost and helpless at times.  having the girls here this weekend was good therapy for me.  we created many art projects which is always healthy for me.  they made me laugh when I asked them to tell me stories about their twig and grass head.  I had a wonderful conversation with the oldest with regards to being a girl and how important it is to surround yourself with people who lift you up.  they are the brightest, most talented girls with so much love and patience.

this is the piece I made on the weekend.  a reminder for me that although times are rougher than rough I can still find moments filled with joy.