if it's not one thing, it's your mother...

BUT today it was actually dad's turn. appointment with a hematologist. big words. lots of quick note taking. asking questions. more tests ordered. blah, blah, blah! let's go book those appointments shall we? WHOA!

at which point I stop everyone dead in their tracks and say "is there something in particular that you are looking for?" more big words. don't worry they say. this has been building for some time. wha-T? holy hell I hate hospitals. hate doctors. hate tests and especially hate the new parking garage.

so I drop dad off at home. he doesn't want to do lunch. I consider that he is probably not hungry whereas I on the other hand want to inhale a bear. because inhaling a bear or any food of that size would instantly make me feel better, no?

but I don't. I instead go into the studio at which point I begin creating a mess:

except that at some point I found that the little pieces weren't doing it for me and so I moved to a big piece. the biggest I have ever worked on:

I lose myself in the rip, tear, and glue up to my elbows. one hour turns into two and I take a step back to admire my work at which point I notice this little guy:

looking up at me as if to say "hey mama, you okay?"

I am okay. if for even a little bit I lost myself in my art. I stopped thinking, stopped worrying and started to feel better.

in all honesty there is nothing to worry about at this point. we know nothing. there is "some" thing, but we don't know what it is. we could lose sleep over it, cry our eyes out over it, worry till our head hurts. all things that I would normally have done.

but for today I took a different approach and turned to my art.

I "may" need therapy...

"may" is SO an understatement!

and knowing that the thought of I receiving any form of therapy will bring you joy to no end I ask you to put down your sparklers and confetti and listen up!

I saw my father doing something today that no daughter should ever witness her father doing!

you know pa.  seventy-ish good looking fellow despite his "dress socks and dress shoes and boy shorts with white stanfield undershirt biking outfit".   he is a cool dad!  or so I thought!  

until... 

I saw it and I was shocked and almost fell to the floor, but luckily went down gently and with grace.

I caught my father watching (gasp), (gulp), ZOEY 101!

and there is MORE!

he had it all hooked up and tricked out with his new surround sound stereo dumahickie thingambobby and 35 on the volume meter!

I mean really!  DAD!  did he not hear about jamie getting pregnant from that guy and that she is only like 16 and that her big sis brit was seen flashing her privates all around town and that she lost her kids and shaved her head and, and, and!   whew!

what is a girl to do?  I am all for finishing that glass of wine I poured myself.  ya, I realize that technically I am a non-drinker, but I needed some serious "block out event" help.

and tomorrow I may need some serious hangover solutions...BUT!  until then - CHEERS baby!

happy birthday papa!

dad's birthday tomorrow and he will be 72! woo hoo! considering that in february we were not sure what was going on with his health that we celebrated extra hard! okay not really! your usual italian sunday brunch consisting of steak, potatoes, beans, garlic bread and caesar salad. all of dad's favourites and chocolate cake for dessert. yum! don't ask why we eat dinner for brunch. it just is and has been since I can remember.

and we had FUN! expensive fun, but it was fun! we bought dad a set of "i love lucy" dvds. mom and dad used to watch her show all the time and I can remember the laughter and so I thought it would be fun. he opened it and was kinda puzzled as to what it was. at the moment of puzzlement "the man" says "hey, are those dvds?" to which I reply "uh, yes". and then it hits me. kinda like a frying pan in the face. I turn to my dad all quick like and say "yeah, so there is another part to your present". I run downstairs, dust off the dvd player and apologize for not wrapping it and hand it to him. he puts down the dvds and picks up the dvd player like I just gave him a gold brick. "is there a remote control?" of course dad, one second. I run back downstairs and grab the remote and hand it to him. big smile and big hug. dad is happy cause he has a new toy. mom is happy cause she really loves lucy! "the man" is puzzled as he watches his dvd player leave the house. I am happy cause I am such a super duper quick thinker! yay ME!

and then the phone call tonight about how he couldn't hook it up and get it to work and if we are not to busy someday soon could we....? so tomorrow we are headed over there to hook the damn thing up. so I added it up:

I love lucy dvd set - $20.00
dvd player - $50.00 (second hand so I discounted)
gas - $ 5.00

one less thing to dust - PRICELESS!

I think the world stopped spinning.....

Then again they threw in daylight savings just to try and break me! I have lost an hour everyday since, literally! And SO.....

Papa is home! yay! He looks SO good and the best news is that he is now a non-smoker! double yay! yup, every morning he slaps a patch on and calls it his pack of smokes for the day. good. Mom is trying as well and even though she says she quit and we all know that she is sneaking out for a smoke we love her for trying.

Zio Bepi is gone and that is sad. I had the most amazing visit with him this time around. While Papa was in the hospital Zio and I would let Ma and Pa have a visit and we would go grab a coffee and shoot the shit. Too much fun! So many great stories and views on life, death and family. I learned so many things from listening to him and have wonderful memories of our coffee dates. I was fortunate enough to be able to take him all the way to the gate before his departure. Another special moment. Just him and I saying see ya later and not good bye.

In the meantime and in between time I have started back with the running. Even threw in a long walk with a great friend and a free yoga class with another friend. Reconnecting with everyone and gearing up for new and exciting things relating to "Art Days". Seems that my little partner has been networking just a teensy bit while I was on hiatus. Stay tuned! Dan is graduating for real and I have the pictures to prove it! yikes! damn proofs!

number three has arrived! is it over now?

you know how they say bad things come in threes? they say that, don't they? now I am not one to whine, um, okay, maybe I am. so lets recap the threes as I watch my pup try to get his fat ass up on the chair.

#1 - on a day meant for cleaning up the groomer discovers lice in one of the dogs. what can I say about the other dog? he doesn't like the n(l)ice puppy. how do they get it I ask. to which she replies, from other dogs. I say that my dogs don't associate with other dogs. they are snobs. oh no, she says it could happen on a walk. to which I reply, I don't walk my dogs. there, I said it! have you seen the temperature lately? it was cold! Hauling my ass outside for a run was hard enough never mind white foo foo and brown baby. so we medicate, we disinfect, we refrain from petting the puppies and then we give in to cuddling because for the next two things, well, plain and simple, we NEED their cuddles.

#2 - complete my half marathon last Sunday and felt pretty darn good. not a lot of pain like last year and I actually ate something at the brunch rather than stare at it. I think I may have even been bragging about how wonderful I felt. shame on me! the next morning I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a truck! everything ached and I spent most of the next four days glued to the toilet. ahhhh yes, good times.

#3 - "Art Day Monday" and it finally happens at Laurie's studio. we have a fab day. show and tell, gifts, rolodex swap done, tons of pages for the journal swap and her famous puffed wheat squares. could it get any better? I get home and am a little tired as one of the pups had a rough night. I figure I will have a wee nap before everyone comes through the door for dinner. Mom calls to say that Dad is not doing well. Have you met Mom? no? she is a bit of a drama queen and should really have blonde hair. if the attention is not on her she will do whatever it takes to make you focus on her. Dad is feverish, he is shaking, he is spitting up blood. Huh? what is his temperature Mom? I dunno. can he talk? no, he's sleeping. did he eat anything today? ya. has he taken any tylenol? ya. did you want to talk to your Uncle? remember the Uncle who is visiting her from Italy? YES! my uncle gives me the 411 and I rush over to take Dad to emergency. AND here is the kicker. dad gets in the car, uncle gets in the car and mom waves bye to us from the house. Huh? WHATEVER! I ask dad if he can make it or do we need 911. drive he says!

so as I am sitting here this morning it hits me. three things! is it over? cause, really I'm good! god only gives you want you can handle, that which does not kill you makes you stronger, everything happens for a reason.....blah, blah, blah! O - KAY! you have made your point! I am paying attention and to what is it that I need to pay attention to? sorry a bit of ADD, look cows, psycho analyzing happening.

dad is in the hospital and will be for the next week or so. he has pneumonia and they are doing more tests to figure out why he is spitting up blood. scary and new things all around for me. I am an only child and have never had anyone close to me in the hospital for any length of time. doctors, nurses, other patients, needles, poking, tubes, scan, x-ray, bp, heart rate......so many swirls and twirls. it is like being on a ride at the amusement park (and I hate rides) and I just want to get my dad out of there. he has been waiting for a bed for three days. this man who wanted his razor so he could shave, his comb to fix his hair. so concerned about how he looks in the midst of all this ugly chaos. being in the hospital is not pretty. trying hard to keep his normal routine as right now nothing is normal for him. all the countless times he did this for me. kept things as normal as possible and kept me comfortable and kept me talking and laughing in the middle of the mess. so much pressure to be perfect. except this is a different pressure then before. before it was all about approval, praise and attention. now it is about keeping him comfortable, informed and equipped. it isn't about how he thinks of me. besides the issue was never him it was my mother. it is about how I think about him and how much I admire this man. such an amazing and wonderful human being. I am scared and I am trying. I am trying to be calm and be positive for him and for me. I am trying not to kill my mother who didn't get in the car and who brought the remote controls to the hospital last night because they couldn't get the picture, only sound. WTF? trying and yes I WILL handle it and yes it WILL make me stronger and yes it did happen for a reason. I am still trying to uncover that reason as I am sure the doctors are too.