full worm moon dreamboard

this month I had trouble getting to my dream board. it is kind of comical because that has been something that I have uncovered lately. this block or hesitance. call it fear or call it safety. it's like something inside me is holding me back. I don't understand it. what payoff am I getting from staying where I am or avoiding something that if I tried it might propel me forward? is it the safety I feel about myself as is? we are forever changing. everything changes so it's not about wanting more change. I think it is about wanting more, but at the same time having less.

I have this deep need to have everything emptied. stripped down, like a skeleton. and then start reapplying the layers as they call for their place. some days I find myself very unsettled. anxious to vacate. other days I find moments of calm and peace, warmth and comfort and the desire to stay in my cocoon.

if I look back on last month's dream board I also struggled to start it. hmmm? the theme was fun, taking risks, different angles and lots of blue and light. well I did manage to fix the kitchen light! I did have fun more than usual and I did a lot of things that I normally would not do so that would be the risk taking. looking at things from different angles? not sure about that one. I guess sometimes we just don't know the meaning. we just know.

and so this month I had no trouble gathering my images. they just jumped out at me. my dream board is filled with butterflies, birds, colors, play and the lady with the umbrella for me means shelter. I think of freedom with the birds and the butterflies. flying off...

umbrella? shelter? protection?

the words I picked were "let your story unfold" and "off she's gone" and "stop talking yourself out of the life you want most".

getting ready for some sort of journey perhaps? bring it!

did you do a dream board this month? check out what others have done over at jamie's site!

angels among us...

took a break today and headed over to the organic zodiac healing arts cafe and fine gallery. local artist aynsley nisbet hosted a drop in this afternoon. I had the chance to play around with oil paints and canvas. great music, warm and friendly atmosphere and my easel was set up right by the window with the sun shining through!

my piece started out as a bird. then it became a butterfly and finally an angel. I have been feeling pretty crappy for the last few days so maybe I am calling on the angel to help me heal? mama could use some angel goodness herself as we found out yesterday that she may have to undergo radiation therapy. she has stage 0 ductal carcinoma. they took out the itty bitty teeny weeny bit of cancer that was in there, but want to be sure that it does not return. poor mama!

it has been highs and lows for the past few days and I am glad I gave myself permission to go and chill out. it was very meditative and calming. just what I needed! thanks aynsley

done...

started doing some hand lettering in black...

outlined the lettering in white and added more brown paint spills

decided that it needed a few more spills in a contrasting color and some paint flicking.

and there ya have it! I hope he likes it!

back to back gigs this weekend! woo!

work in progress...

working on a submission for a client of mine (hee hee). thought it would be fun to come up with a poster/signage thing for his band.

I took an old paint by number painting that I abandoned cause apparently paint by number was too "color inside the lines" for me. ha! I then added various bits of pictures and text and did a wash of ivory over top.

trying to figure out which way to go with the colors...

and then finally adding the "orange trees". why three? c'mon!

I worked on this all day on friday as I was stuck at home. the interesting thing is that I didn't rush it. it still is not complete and I have added more elements. it was so much fun to take my time and enjoy the process. stepping back and trying to figure out what step to take next. this is quite unusual for me as I am more go, go, go get 'er done. love that I found that part of me that entered a meditation of sorts while working on this piece.

then again that part of me is now also guarding the piece. I find myself frozen and unable to take the next step. when it ends, when it is complete, then what? do you ever feel that way with something you created? you are enjoying the process so much that you do not want it to end? the journey is so much fun that you are not in a hurry to reach the destination?

I relate this to other things in my life and it rings true in many instances. I am trying to figure out why I stop. I don't like to call it quit cause I don't feel that I am quitting, but rather that I am delaying the end result. I need to figure out what my pay off is for climbing the mountain, but never quite reaching the top to see what is on the other side. guess I am a "work in progress" too?

the "happy book" report

in between buddha blessing and jehovah visits we have had an abundance of happy this week:

sunday:

one of my "prairie sisters' met me for a visit. we chatted for hours and completely lost track of time. it was wonderful! I loved hearing her voice and seeing her smile in person. awesome!

monday:

the snow fell and I embraced it by taking photos. it was SO beautiful! yes, you heard me correct! I was smiling even though it was chilly.

tuesday:

finished up a project from paulette's class at "inspired " last year. finally!

wednesday:

another project from from cheryl darrow's class also at "inspired". ya going?

thursday:

papa to the rescue! the light bulbs burned out in my kitchen and the bulbs snapped off when we tried to remove them. yay! we tried several methods to get the bottoms out and nothing! "who ya gonna call?" DAD! although it was a "job" so to speak we worked together. I remember when I was little and dad and I would build stuff and work on projects together for hours in his workshop. I still have a little box that we made together to hold my cassette tapes in. so today I cherished our time. just him and I patiently trying to figure out how to get the light working again. giggling at our mishaps and smashing stuff on the front step. oh yeah! I really should have let him do it, but he didn't have safety glasses on! so we now have light again in our kitchen which means - back to cooking! ha!

what were your happy moments this week? don't forget to go and share.

good luck cow?

are you one of those people who forwards those "send to ten people good luck" e-mails? stop it wouldya? I normally do not get sucked in by those things, but every once in a while in a moment of weakness or what could be considered "foggy PMS brain" I cave.

yesterday would be one of those days. it all started with the morning of dumb ass move #1 where I registered as a seller on a u.s. site only to find out that the only way to be paid would be by having a u.s. bank account IN THE U.S!

then my lovely friend (you know who you are!) sent out this e-mail with a lucky buddha. ya want some luck? want some money? send it to six friends and in four days blah, blah, blah, BUT send it to twelve friends and in TWO days blah, blah, blah. never to be one of great patience I immediately (yup, did not sit in my inbox for more than a second) forwarded it to twelve people. some friends, some family and then waited for the luck and money to roll in!

however, (I would like to call this "dumb ass move #2) I sent it to my BIL who is a pastor and who sent me a gentle reminder about buddha and god and a wonderful passage to read. thank goodness my BIL is awesome and understood my moment of weakness.

fast forward to this morning where we (my BIL and I) are e-mailing back and forth about wealth, the buddha, god and so on. good conversation! doorbell rings. must be the meter reader dude? NOPE! it's jehovah witness inviting me to...

it doesn't matter! so I guess the point of this post is to share with you what I learned:

- luck does not come from a object

- let those e-mails sit for a day before you hit send

- never answer the door to strangers

and in what could be considered "dumb ass move #3?" I am almost certain that the cow will offend someone too. would it help to tell you that I do not eat animals?

today HAS to be better, no?

the "happy book" report

joey that brightens all my days and my daily reminder "you do not have to be good"(mary oliver). so appropriate for me at this time.

art journal love letters and an unexpected result! love paper accidents!

mama "the rock star" made it through her surgery with flying colors! yay!

my first 5 km run after over a year of injuries. SO awesome!

I just watched jamie's video over at the next chapter blog. she asked us to think about how this happy book journey has impacted us. for myself it has had a huge impact. I find myself in a negative place or faced with challenges and I give my head a shake and tell myself to stop it. I look for the happy in each moment.

this past week more so than any was full. full of good stuff. full of family visits. full of scary moments and full of risks. I handle these times a lot better than I used to.

I find myself encouraging others to look for the "happy" or to turn that frown upside down. if anything I get a smile out of them. maybe it's a smirk saying "what would you know".

what I do know for sure is that you and only you are the one and only thing standing in the way of your happiness. I would love to hear what made you happy this week so head on over to the blog and share!