I was merrily rolling along living my happy when some asshole had to snap my head back into reality. WTH? I KNOW my reality and I was just taking a bit of a break...
to fall in LOVE...
the beautiful, creative and always inspiring connie at dirty footprints studio is offering an online course called "art journal LOVE letters". I have fallen in love with my art journal all over again. I have been journaling off and on for years and this year I made it one of my goals to return to it full force.
connie's class is just the spunk I needed to let go and get messy and re-discover some old supplies that have been neglected for way too long.
her videos are top notch. I am a visual person and her style of teaching is perfect for me. I love that she lays it all out for me so that I am ready for the next project. I have used what I have at home so far and have only had to run out and restock on one item.
she has a wealth of information and techniques to share and added bonuses along the way. so what are ya waitin' for? get over there NOW! last day for sign ups is tomorrow! GO!
as I sit here and type this some butt head went and ruined my happy. BUT! alas! I will not let it take my happy away. it is out of my control and therefore I release it....for now!
it is funny how the "happy book" mail around has stirred up a ton of happy all over the place. you look for it. you trip over it. it smacks you in the face. it is everywhere! you cannot ignore it! seriously! just when I think I am having a bad day I try to remember one thing, one simple thing that made me happy that day. if I can't remember one then I set out to make some happy! try it! you might surprise yourself!
my BIG happy moment this week?
MY MOM DOES NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER!!!!!!!!!!
test after test and finally good news. thank goodness!
my coffee maker (yes the one that required giving up my first born) is leaking. after digging through files, papers and countless phone calls here, there and everywhere I finally have an answer. "espresso baby" needs to go in for a tune up. :(
and the whole lot of happy?
I had a dream last night that jon and I were caught by TMZ! we were kissing and a hugging and all of the sudden - CAMERAS everywhere! I said no comment and we walked into the house hand in hand. july baby, july. patience.
and so I was up this morning at dawn's crack (as ireland would say) and determined to beat the crap out of some gremlins. now I am no million dollar baby...
I am more of a "one dollar baby", but my knuckles are throbbing, my nails are ripped to shreds and I think I successfully defeated a few more gremlins today.
when I was a kid I had one of those blow up clown punching thingies. you probably had one too. you punched it and it came back and it never fell over. I used to spend hours punching that thing. all alone just getting out my frustrations. I punched for the kid who said I was so short I needed a ladder to get up the curb. I punched for the teacher who laughed along with the class when I fell in a puddle of black paint. I punched for the boy who tripped me in the gym. I just punched till I was exhausted. it felt good. it was a release.
about a year ago I signed up for a boxing class. the thing was that we spent more time jumping rope and doing spider crawls than boxing so it didn't last. now I have a place where I can go and I never know what is coming, but for the last two days she has had me boxing. boxing and gassers and stair repeats, but LOTS of boxing. lots of beating the crap out of my gremlins. those little guys in my head that say I can't do it, I don't deserve it and I should just quit. I am determined to shred them to bits!
so after my awesome boxing hour I came home and proceeded to bake. yup, bake!
I started with pumpkin chocolate chip macadamia muffins for me:
and then I made double chocolate walnut cookies for my love:
and mint chocolate chip cookies for my papa:
got the laundry done, made a few phone calls, vacuumed, took out the trash and had to deal with these two:
joey was barking because sparky had his ball. what really happened? joey was prancing around tossing his ball in the air and it ended up by sparky who was lounging in the middle of the floor. seriously joey!
I was fortunate enough to be a part of this amazing mail-around organized by the beautiful jamie ridler. we had one week with the book and lucky me I was first on the list! the book is chock full of ideas, activities and happy thoughts. the "happy book" is a place to gather your happy moments. I really enjoyed reading through the book and adding my thoughts and art work. I shared it with complete strangers and my husband. I did some of the activities in the book. I figured the best way to share it with you was to show some pics so hear goes...
beautiful jamie has inspired me to join her in creating full moon dreamboards. january was my first dreamboard and if I "reflect" on how my month went I can truly say "well". I ate many more fresh foods and less animal products. I made choices on a daily basis of how to be kinder to myself. some of those choices included stopping and thinking about why I felt the need to beat myself up after a 90 percent healthy meal. I felt that the 10 percent was awful and how could I do that. so I stopped and asked myself why? closing the door to negative self talk! it has been a process, but one that I am moving forward with and that makes me happy.
accepting that I am not alone. ooohhhh! hard one for ME! BUT and this is a big BUT I am trying and I am reaching out. I am making connections that are healthy and leaning on people when I need to. I guess it has to do with trust. I have for a long time not been trusting myself and so in turn I guess I figured out I couldn't trust anyone.
I have been reading more. lots more. stories of women and their struggles, recipe books, art technique books. my fave read as of late - I am a woman finding my voice by janet quinn. I have it in my purse and whenever I am waiting at an appointment I pull it out and read a few pages. very inspiring and beautifully written.
being braver, getting outside, seeing the beauty and being comfortable in my own skin kind of all came together when I decided to go back to the beginning and join a learn to run clinic. last year I really neglected my body. lived with a lot of pain and ate poorly all with the excuse that the universe had handed me crap and so I might as well feel just as crappy. why should I be so friggin' happy when the whole world around me was crumbling down.
and so I began. it was scary at first. I had not run since my injury in vegas. and I am running in the cold. two strikes right off the bat! but I am doing it and I am enjoying the outdoors as it is truly beautiful in the winter.
for the month of february and the full wolf moon I want to howl out my desires:
- more love of self and others
- less guilt for putting myself first
- accepting that there is nothing wrong with me
- filling my heart with joy by making time to make stuff
- giving gifts to myself and others - just because
- continuing to be brave in my discovery of self
- gathering with friends and family to celebrate and support
what desire are you howling? create a dreamboard and join us!